Everyone says that if you have a child with special needs you are a special person. I never really understood WHY people said that …until recently. After hearing some of the harshest, open opinions, from a group of people, about those with special needs and disabilities, I realized I AM special!
I am the PROUD parent of a person who apparently would cause most of them “disgust” out in the real world. The banter of how disgusting people with disabilities are was so raw! I almost couldn’t even believe that I had surrounded myself in a room of people who had such opinions. I was blindsided. Sadly this happens quite often to me. People surprise me all the time with how they really feel when they let their guard down. Normally I would stand up and argue or fight for people like my daughter, but I felt a stronger urge to hear the truth on how they feel. I have spent my life as her mother fighting such views of people, so what kind of mother would I be to continue to surround myself with people like that?!
So yes, today I realized that I am special. I was chosen. I realized that I am thankful God gave her to me, who was apparently “special” because I have enough love within me to see the true beauty and possibility within her. I’m thankful she wasn’t given to someone who would discard her, and/or has such thoughts and feeling to those who aren’t “normal”. Who apparently are truly ugly inside. That obviously don’t have enough love within them to appreciate such a gift because they are so blinded and selfish. I find that NOT NORMAL!
It is like crushing a catepillar because it only appears as fuzzy, creepy crawly insect, when you didn’t realize it was really a beautiful butterfly.
I love being the mother of Alexa. With it comes gifts I cannot even put into words, and with that also comes the unveiling of what is really inside some people. She isn’t just a diagnosis. She isn’t a burden. She is more of a typical 12 year old girl, with an unending love in her heart. She has big dreams and wishes. She is full of possibilities. She is smart and funny, and full of laughter. Furthermore, she doesn’t judge others or disregard people who are “different”! She would never talk about anyone the way these “normal” people talked of people like her! In fact I’m sure she would have pity on them, and forgive them for being so judgmental.
Being in her life has taught me a lot of things. Sadly, today it is that you never really know how people truly feel, and when you find out, it just might hurt. Over time you tend to develop a bit of a thicker skin, but every so often when hurtful comments come from people you wouldn’t expect them to, all the armor you’ve built up doesn’t soften the harsh blow from the sword of their words.
So now you know the true hardest part about being a parent to a special child.
48 Responses for "A Special Person"
Lauren you are special, so were my parents. My sister had ritt syndrome and unlike your daughter she could not talk or care for herself but there couldn’t have been any other parents that loved and took good care of her the way may parents did. Emi was special, she made all of us stronger people and people that would never judge or view a special need child in any way. So yes you’re
Special and so is your family. Love to Alexa
Lauren – well said! I too am a special parent of a 24 year old wheelchair bound son. What is hardest for me is not being able to get others to take the time to look past the chair and see the intelligent, warm, funny person my son is. It saddens me that he has no friends – no one calls him or comes to see him. They are all pleasant when they pass him in the halls at school but no one will take the time to get to know him and he deserves that. That is the hardest thing to be witness to. But I know that there is something special waiting for him – that he will find his way in the world and that people will, someday, appreciate him. Meanwhile, I will be his champion and friend forever. It is the role God called me for and one I will never let anyone undermine. Thanks for speaking out – now if we can just get people to listen.
I just read your daughter’s story. I think you are one awesome person and she looks like quite an awesome kid.
Hi Lauren,
My husband (retired) works as a manager in a special needs home, when he takes his clients out (one at a time) he is often asked if he is their dad, and when he gets home I tell him wow, what a compliment. He enjoys the 4 boys (men) so much and they have good times together. “Normal” needs to be re-defined, don’t you think?
~Sandra
Lauren, you are a very, very special person and I admire you very much. Since the first day I read the Alexa’s history, I always enjoy all the post you make about her. To have an angel like Alexa is a privilege, a gift from GOD. That means you are a very special person. Like you said, God decided that you are the perfect mom for her.
God will keep blessing you and all your family always because all of you are amazing and have a lot of love to share.
Blessings and hugs,
Farida
Lauren,
First let me say I am sorry that you have had to experience such cruelness. People who think like that don’t deserve to be parents at all. It does take a very special person to raise a special child. It is a honor to be a parent at all. As you said God gave you Alexa for a purpose. He knew you were special enough to raise her to be a strong young lady. Cyber hugs to you and please ignore the ignorance of people.
Patrina
Hi Lauren, your story really hits home for me….I grew up in a family with 2 special needs brothers. At the time of growing up, my friends would make fun of them, and I sadly would be so embarrassed of them….Until the day I finally grew up, I realize what a gift they were….OMG, they are truly a gift, and not only was my mom the special person to receive these to boys, we as brothers and sisters were so special too. Since, then, one of my brothers passed on due to cancer, and life has not been the same….its as if he took our hearts with him when he died….I look back on my life with Joey, and so wished I could go back in time and appreciated him when I was younger. But you know when your young, your stupid..I know I was….How I wish I could hold my brothers hand now, and would be so proud he was my brother!…My other brother is still here, and how we are so proud that he is our brother….Thank you for such a wonderful story today, it really makes me remember the good ol times…..thank you….
You are truly an amazing person. I taught for 20 years in a school for disabled children, many of whom were terminally ill. I can honestly say that the staff loved each and every one of our special pupils. My son used to visit the school when he had different holidays to us and that helped to open his eyes to disabilities. I was very proud of him when listening to him talking with a friend about a particular pupil. The friend asked whether that pupil was in a wheelchair and my son had to think for several minutes before he answered. He was seeing the person, NOT the disability. Why can’t more people be like that?
You GO Lauren !!! I am proud of you too! I too have been at this place and you learn and you grow. Mostly, what you said about having to deal with the “normal” people in society is what is hardest to deal with is so “right on!” The blessings of having a special needs person in my life mirror your thoughts. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I am so terribly curious to know what situation you were in where such hurtful things were said. I might also have done what you did, listen for a while. I’ve worked with special needs kids for many years of my career and it saddens me when people talk about discarding someone like Alexa often through abortion. Before the extent of the disability can even be measured. It is appalling. I have a disability myself and even such things as the rudeness of people who misuse handicapped parking or who dont see my invisible disability and claim I am doing so is maddening so I can’t even imagine what it was like to hear such things. I hope you finally spoke up!
Thank you for sharing. You are not alone, I wish people would see beyond the “outside” and see the beauty of my seven year old son.
Blessings,
Marie
Well said, Lauren! It is so sad and unfortunate how some people feel about others that are “different” from them. I have a daughter that doesn’t ‘look’ different, but has a mental illness that makes her outside behaviors different. People (even family members) have a difficult time accepting her for who she is. She has a huge heart and goes out of her way to help others who society would call different. Your words are inspiring to all of us.
Lauren I am sorry that you had to be subjected to such unkindness. It is a shame that some people do not have enough room in their hearts to see “special needs” individuals as just plain “special” and I mean that in the highest regard. I have had the opportunity to spend some time with “Special Needs” individuals and I have always walked away from the experience with the realization that I had been blessed.
Really? Yuck! I sincerely hope I don’t know any of those people, it would gross me out! Yuck, yuck, yuck! Blech. Now I feel all creepy! It’s amazing to me how big the world is and how little of it I know! Maybe we just keep too small a social circle, maybe I have acquaintances that are closet bigots – but I know I don’t have any friends like that! But God must have a purpose for those people in the world too. I’m just glad meeting me isn’t one of them!
Through reading your blog over the past many, many years…I have always thought you were a special person not only for being a mom to Alexa but just for the way you care about others and they way you are there for your family, Alexa, and your mom.
So sorry you had to experience that and most of all that there are those that feel that way. Yes I do believe you are special, I have watched my nephew and his wife deal with two kids with special needs out of six and I do believe God gave them to them because he knew they could give the Love and attention that these kids need.
Lauren, I, too, am the parent of a child with special needs. My son, turning 14 this next week, (hard for me to believe!) has had one medical emergency after another his whole life. I try to be his advocate and take the best care of him and look after him, make sure he has the best medical care. I have had people tell me before that I am the reason that Ian’s still with us today. I am his champion. He has been bullied nearly every year in school because of his differences. I have been the champion for him on that too. I always amazes me how mean kids can be. But, sadly, kids aren’t always the ones bullying him. I have caught several adults doing it too. I think they believe that because he’s not like everyone else, it gives them the right to mistreat him without recourse. They are sadly mistaken there. I share your shock and sadness at the way society (thankfully, not as a whole) looks down upon those who are different. You keep doing what you’re doing. You are a great mom and your daughter is so lucky to have you in her corner as HER champion! 🙂 – Karen
How is it in 2012 there is still such ignorance in this world? I just don’t even know what to say other than: You are AWESOME! I feel quite certain that those ‘haters’ will never know the JOY that you know—they are probably not even capable. I feel sorry for THEM…
We will never be able to protect our special people from all the hateful talk; we just try to our best so that they are spending time with people who lift up and encourage. On the other note, I feel that those who are so rude and hateful must be very unhappy and if the opportunity presents itself, I ask them what is making him/her so unhappy. They are usually taken aback at that comment.
A beautiful testimony of a mother’s love!
Each life is so precious…I do wish mere mortals would quit deciding which life is valuable and which isn’t. It breaks my heart!
Thank you for sharing your story. You are a blessing to the world.
I believe we all choose our parents at a soul level to help us experience things that are needed in this lifetime.Your daughter has chosen well and you have grown to be a beautiful loving person . Although we
sometimes think it must be hard to be a parent/ child in this situation.We can never know what an others life experience is.Something I read a few years ago always helps me.
I don’t remember who wrote it but the words have helped me many times.What you think of me is none of my business.It took me a long time to truly understand these words. I hope the next time they will help you and your Daughter.
Keep on crafting creativity feeds the soul .
Hooray for you, Lauren! And Hooray for Alexa!! You both are SPECIAL people who God has blessed and in turn you bless us. Thanks so much for sharing your stories!!!
What a heart warming story! My husband has a brother with Downs; he is 56 years old and we are now caring for him because his mom is no longer able to keep up with him. He is so special and everyday I either laugh or cry at the things he comes up with. Every night when he goes to bed he gives me the peace sign, the love sign and Tiny Tim kisses; he is just too darn cute!! I never thought at 64 years old I would become a mom but this special child is a blessing in my life. Thank you for sharing your story.
Nice billet!
Thanks for sharing such an interesting information.
Their comments do not define who your daughter is but defines who they are.
Lauren,
True r words and powerful words spoken! You are an angel and don’t ever let people like that get you down!!
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Lauren, you are a very special person. That is why God trusted you with your daughter. I’m an observer of people and have come to the conclusion that people say mean things because they are scared and not mature enough to keep their mouths closed. Scared that it could have happened to them. The other group are just followers. They should all be ashamed of themselves. “There but for the grace of God go I”.
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