Thanks for all your warm thoughts and prayers.
I am taking a few days off before the next release begins. It will be a much needed break.
Alexa has bad allergies-or so I am told. Not sure yet how I feel about that diagnosis. She has been congested for some time and on all sort of other stuff that seems useless. We will see. I’m keeping my eye on her for now.
As for family life-Court on Monday was a HUGE emotional roller-coaster and waste of time.
Her husband’s new lawyer wasn’t ready to plea his case for the endangerment hearing so it was continued till POSSIBLY Monday. Yes-possibly. His lawyer was “too” busy to even confirm he can show up that day so it will be a last minute notice!! Me living about 2 hours from court, that stinks to have to wait till the last minute! I need to be there for my mom, and don’t want to have to RUSH. I have such anxiety each time when I’m NOT rushed, let alone when I am.
My poor mother has to keep going through all these court appearances and its getting ridiculous. Every time we go it sets her back emotionally, and plays out on her physically. I can see why women choose to NOT testify because it is so drawn out and difficult to keep going over everything over and over again.
I don’t know WHY you need SO MANY various court dates for every little thing! Its not wonder the courts are always backed up! We wasted several hours in court for NOTHING on Monday. Family member took time out of work, not to mention TAX PAYER $$ to transport him for the jail where he was to superior court! Why can’t they consolidate stuff and get it together. Who needs like 6 to 8 dates to make a decision. Every little thing needs a court date, and every time she has to tell someone her story over and over again. Or go through seeing him in shackles and wondering how it will go. We ALL lose sleep I’m certain.
Monday she will have a choice as to whether or not she will want to testify against him, in order for them to decide if they should hold him until his trial (which can be set for anywhere between a few months to years away). She is getting worn down, and can’t take much more. She needs to continue this. I know she can do it.
Sorry its a long vent but this last trip really affected my mother and I’m doing my best to convince her she needs to keep plugging forward, and that she CAN do this. Its heart-wrenching for her, and then me to watch her endure the pain. I know how “I” feel when we are sitting there awaiting him to be called in, I can only imagine how much worse it is for her.
This time in court he made eye contact with her and looked at her in a way to suggest “I’m sorry”. Last time we went to court he was ANGRY and glared and her and even GROWLED at her! It was a horrible thing. It did make it easier for her to KNOW she is doing the right thing. But after his puppy face….long story short she feels bad for him, and conflicted about what to do.
I’m not saying it was easy seeing the exchange, but she needs to keep her focus on what happened. This wasn’t a one time thing either. There was a build up of violence and this event could have been far worse had she not begged for her life. She knows he is dangerous and is still so very afraid of him, yet the part of her that loves him can’t bear to speak an ill word against him. If he had actually killed her, all the I’m sorry looks in the world wouldn’t hold a drop of water with me. I wish I could jump in her body for her and testify.
I think he is sorry for HIM. Not HER. Sorry he is caught. Sorry he has to possibly serve time for his actions. He viewed this situation (as does his family) as my mother’s fault. If she didn’t call the police he could be free. If she could have only kept her mouth shut (those are others words, not mine) Now he has to pay for what he did. You know after he attacked her he went out with his brother to a Flea Market, then to a friends house, laughing anf joking like nothing ever happened! CRAZY.
I just pray my mom keeps sight of the reality. Think with her head, not her heart. He has no love for her. If he did he would never have abused her in any manner.
I could go on and on. Anyway, just an update for those of you wondering.
33 Responses for "More updates"
Please tell your mom to stay strong and to follow through for her safety and happiness. She deserves better. Tell her that there are many of us out here praying for her and keeping her in our thoughts as she endures this ordeal. My prayers and thoughts are with you too as you remain strong for her.
How horrible that things got postponed. Your mom and you are in my prayers. Sending hugs!
I’m so sorry for what your mother has gone through. I went through similar but not so intense circumstances. It took a full year (almost to the day) with a what seemed like a million court appearances. Thank goodness I had my brother, a cop, by my side at every hearing.
It is very important that your mother stay strong. I suspect that not only is he sorry for himself, but that his attorney said that he cannot act like that again so he was trying to be nice to her for appearance sake. Men like that don’t change that much without a good reason. Trust me I know!
How I kept my strength through the whole thing was to think about his future victims. I WANTED to get this put on his record so that if any future women would have that record on their side. He had done this before but no one had pressed charges. I knew he would do it again.
Good luck to your mother and tell her to keep strong. She is in my prayers! I’m glad that she has her family behind her on this. I know how much it helped me to have my mom, dad and borther sitting next to me at each court hearing.
Blessings,
Christine
Lauren, keep strong your Mum really needs your strength. I do hope she goes on with this for her own sanity and perhaps as a message to others that think violent behaviour to women is acceptable. My sister went through a tough time with an excellent and he ‘won’ her back many times before she saw sense! He was violent, drunk and abusive – thoroughly unpleasant guy who also stole from my mother to feed his drink habit! Love to the family as they must find it tough too.
Gosh, what a difficult time for you as a family, you will pull through. keep your chin up!
I fear that if your Mum does not testify then he WILL kill the next woman he sets up home with
Lauren, the reason they keep “continuing” is so that your mom will wear down or drop charges. This is a fact! My brother was a nephew on the wrong side of the law and that is what his lawyer told us. That he would just keep continuing and then the “stories” that witness tell maybe change a little and they catch them as it wasn’t told in the “original” telling and it’s a mess. It’s all a game with the lawyers and it’s awful!
Encourage her to stay calm and fight, because breaking down is exactly what they want her to do and her husband making eyes at her is all part of the game. Sick, I know, but it’s how the system works.
I totally agree with you! He is sorry for himself!!!! It is HIS fault and not your mom’s. That’s how dysfunctional his family is to even say that. My thoughts are with you and your mom.
Isabel Z said it so beautifully that I thought it needed repeating …
“Please tell your mom to stay strong and to follow through for her safety and happiness. She deserves better. Tell her that there are many of us out here praying for her and keeping her in our thoughts as she endures this ordeal. My prayers and thoughts are with you too as you remain strong for her.”
May peace be with you all.
Lauren, yes, it is truly frustrating regarding the slow pace the courts seem to take. I am going to court the end of July because my ex hasn’t paid his child support since last August. I told my advocate at Child Services that I am expecting to be disappointed. I imagine the court will give him a month or so to get his act together. Although it’s been almost a year for him to get his act together. Tell your Mom to hang in there. You are right…you have to stay firm to the fight and not give up. Remember…they got themselves into this situation (her husband) (my ex). Don’t feel sorry for them. They asked for whatever they get. – Karen
I pray that your Mom will find the strength and courage to pursue this. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult and terrifying it must be for her. This man needs to be held accountable for what he has done and there needs to be measures taken so that he is unable to harm her again. What a worm he must be! You are both in my thoughts and prayers, Lauren.
Lauren,
You and your mother are in my prayers!!! I won’t get started on the court system but keep strong and send those strong vibes to your mom. Thinking of you always, thanks for the updates.
Thanks for the update – have been thinking about you guys. Lauren, your mom is so lucky to have such a strong, sensible daughter for support. Sorry about all the wasted time/driving for the court dates, but just be supportive and get her through them.
I am sorry to hear this Lauren. Court is incrediably frustrating. My niece had to testify in a case (I cant go into details on the web but it was bad) and they continued that case for so long. It took over a year to go to trial and then when we finally got a date it took 4 weeks to finally stop continuing and start the trial and then in the end it was all for nothing. It took a huge toll on her. Completely awful. I, like you, was far away… 3 hours and it was just horrible having to race down at the last minute. I wish you better luck than i had.
Tell your Mom, to stay strong! I know the frustration, anger, and the soft heart. It is very difficult when they act sweet…I believe someone above said it, its all for appearances! He WILL do it again if given one bit of a chance!
Stay strong and prayers are going up for you guys!
Lauren,
Thanks for the update. My prayers are with you and your mom. You need to keep her focused on the goal of keeping him locked up for what he did to her. He can be sorry all he wants but the ending could have been much worse. Your mom is strong enough to have made it this far and so she can make it the rest of the way with you by her side!
Becky
My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom. I know thsi si dfficult for her but she cannot let him win!! Thisis a circle of violence which I myself have lived through it. There is always a honeymoon period and that is when he will playher with sympathy, the I’m sorry ‘s do not meana thing because it will happen all over again if he ges the chance as you said he is sorry that He got caught!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom. God is in control land God is a just God and does not want her to endure anymore pain or hurt.
God Bless
I don’t message much, as for Amber’s congestion, try the chiropractor for a month, sickness starts at the spine when your brain is telling your immune system to get better and it can’t because it’s a out of wack, as for your Mother, my heart aches for her. You are so right that he feels sorry for himself and not her. Ask her what she would hear if there was a recorder in his cell. Nothing good. He would be swearing her to hell and saying the most horrible things about her. I wonder if you could bribe his cell mate by giving him money for information on what he says, or ask the police to pull him in to talk maybe get a better conviction on the attempted murder. Sorry my thoughts just running. I will pray and give my strength to you and your mother. There is no stronger connection than a Mother and Daughter, she has been there to pick you up, and you are now there picking her up. We are the stronger of the species and will make it through anything. Lots of Love
That is so frustrating…SHE CAN’T QUIT NOW!!! If she does they will get back together. I would venture to guess the next time he explodes will be the last for your mother to endure. From the outside looking in it seems like a simple question of life and death. If you had the choice to dive off of a cliff or not would you dive?
Hope you can get the allergy thing straightened out. MY kids have them only when spring hits and this year was BAD because of the snow we had.
Your mom’s ex is sorry that he was caught and that she might testify against him. He’s not sorry for anything else. You should really Google Violence Unsilenced, and have your mom read some of the stories there. They are sad but also awe-inspiring. She has to do this!
I wish only I had…
Tell your mother to stay strong, he is in the right place. I hope she doesn’t let him get away with this, he could come back and hurt her much worse or the next time kill her god forbid. You are right he is not sorry he did what he did, he is sorry he was caught. With you by her side she can get through anything please tell her we are all praying for her and your family. Tell her not to quit the hard part is over calling the police.
Thank you for the update Lauren, I pray for all of you during this terrible time. He has finally figured out that he can work on her soft side and that is what he is doing. The longer she is away from him the stronger she will be. It is difficult to believe she still loves him. Just her insecurity masking it as love. Thank God she has you as a strong support. I will keep praying and keep updating us.
the court system is so frustrating everywhere in the world. Keep giving your mum the support and you will all get through this eventually and the outcome will be in your favour. Sorry it has taken so long and you all nee a good break- he is using this time as a weapon in itself so don’t let him win keep on going and let your mum know there are many behind her that also support her even if we don’t personally know her.
Yes, tell your mother to keep strong. My ex moved in with another woman, and it took me 3 years to get a divorce because he owned a business. I finally just got the divorce to have my freedom against my attorney’s advice. Your mother must be strong and fight. Unfortunately, the courts and attorneys are not always on a woman’s side, and it is ridiculous how long things can take. Keep strong!
How absolutely HORRIBLE that your mom has to go through this! Too bad it’s not just her appearing in court, testifying, and it’s done. He never did her any favors so I hope she remembers that, and how he is still trying to play on her emotions. She is very lucky to be alive, no thanks to him! Can your mom go to see a counselor about how she’s feeling and how she’s handling all this? That may help! That was pretty violent and maybe she can get some help dealing with it. He can’t get away with what he has done, he has to take some responsibility, and hopefully the judge will force him to do that!
Lauren, I handled domestic violence and family law for years. It was a long time ago, but I have many memories and experiences of those cases. I would be happy to chat if you need an ear. Or an email. Just email me. Joan
Perhaps, your Mom should keep a picture taken after his abuse on her refrigerator or in her hand bag for those times she feels she is getting weak. She will never be free of him if she doesn’t complete this. I know, I know….it is so much easier for us to say than her actually going through it.
Please send her hugs & kisses from me!
Donna
Lauren, I am so sorry to hear about the ordeal your mom is going through. I don’t know the whole story because I just saw this post, but tell her to stay strong. My daughter was abused by a horrible man for many years, and the last beating almost took her life. It actually took the District Attorney two months to decide there was enough evidence to charge him! There is some crazy law in our state that unless a person reports domestic violence within 28 days from it happening, that charges cannot be brought without good cause. Well, she laid unconscious for 5 days and was in such bad shape that she lost her memory for weeks.
At his preliminary hearing, neither side was ready. The DA was a substitute, his attorney was a substitute and so was the Court Commissioner! The court commissioner didn’t want to start a case that was going to be continued by another, so it was postponed 2 days later. The DA supoenaed the wrong doctor, and the surgeon that they wanted to give testimony couldn’t come to court because he was in surgery. So it was postponed again! And exactly the same thing happened to my daughter at that 2nd hearing – the beast kept staring at her and gave her dirty looks the whole time.
Finally at the 3rd preliminary hearing, they found enough evidence to try the case, so the arraignment hearing was scheduled for July 1. I swear, the law protects the criminal and the victims suffer while the criminal’s attorney blurts out all the lies that his client told him to make my daughter look like she was making up a story!
It’s so great that you are there for your mom Lauren – she needs all the support she can get. Does she have a representative from her local woman’s center? There is a social worker that comes to court with my daughter each time to make sure her rights are not violated. Bless you for all you do!!
Lauren~ Tell your mom to hang in there and please keep telling her she NEEDS to testify! This man is a total terror and he should be behind bars because otherwise he will come after her again! I know how frustrating the court system is too…such a pain! Hang in there…sending lots of prayers and hugs your way hun!!!
Hugs~ Kim
Hello,
I am so sorry to read of all that you are going through – our court system is so screwed up in more ways than one knows. The entire legal system makes one crazy if it is required to be involved.
To Mom: You must stay strong and continue on! Do not give up! That is what happens so often – the wearing down of one’s body and mind with the long process causes the person to give up – and it could be the end is so near. You have already come so far – find whatever it takes to continue. Your daughter loves you and supports you and will help you through this.
Wishing you all good things.
Barbara Diane
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Lauren,
Been there, done this. My battle, in the court system, went on for almost two years. I would also feel sorry for my ex. He almost had me convinced that there was something wrong with me, that I was crazy, and in some way ask for the abuse. I always ahd to leave court with my atty for protection. I will never forget one time my atty had to go see another judge and I stayed outside the court room on a bench. This was on a different floor than where we went to court. My ex looked for me and found me in the hallway, he came up to me with a big smile on his face and got real close to my face and told me he would find me out and he would kill me. He laughed and walked away. His mother and sister who were waiting for him thought for a long time he was being social.Your mother needs to stay strong, somehow remember what she was feeling at the time of the abuse. He will be back and with a vengeance. His secret is out and he will blame her. He has to justify his actions by blaming her. Sorry for the long post. She is a lot stronger than she thinks.
It is very important that your mother stay strong. I suspect that not only is he sorry for himself, but that his attorney said that he cannot act like that again so he was trying to be nice to her for appearance sake. Men like that don’t change that much without a good reason. Trust me I know!
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