Hi world!
I am here, as I said I’ve been consumed with family issues, and getting ready for the May Release. I appreciate the comments, and emails.
WARNING: this is a family post, with some graphic detail. Honestly you may not want to read it. It may be disturbing, but the story needs to be told.
It may help someone else in a similar situation.
This last two weeks or so I have told you to keep my mother in your prayers. I’ve respected her privacy. I’ve done everything in my power to empower her, help her, and let her know she ISN’T alone to fight this fight. Believe me, she is truly fighting for her life.
She reads my blog and she has seen the well wishes and prayers. I’ve forwarded emails to her as well. All the while no one really knowing exactly WHAT is going on. Each one giving her strength!
Just to give you an idea of what my family has been dealing with, this was on the front page of the paper in her city.
Now I’m appalled that her address was given, and some of the details shared without any consideration for my mother and her SAFETY! People don’t realize that these aren’t just front page news-makers they are reporting about, but PEOPLE. My mother was beyond the feeling of violation.
As you can imagine that is only a very stripped down version of what has taken place. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when I received a phone call telling me about what happened. I immediately took action and got to my mother’s side.
Her birthday was Thursday April 8th, and on that day she had an “awakening”. All the strength she gave me over the years, to become a strong independent woman, I was finally able to give back to her. Finally able to make her SEE what her life really is, not what she wanted to see. My pleading with her to help herself, finally making sense.
She asked that I actually share her story with you all in hopes that MAYBE it will help someone else.
My husband and I both struggled with sharing this story too. We went back and forth the last few weeks about it. But there needs to be an awareness. These things happen to REAL people. That is someones mother, daughter, sister, grandmother. Also for his family, he is someones son, brother…loved one. It’s so hard and sad on both ends.
Quite honestly I was hesitant. The fact of sharing this is VERY difficult for me, for many reasons. It is emotional, heartbreaking, upsetting, and all the while necessary too. I was overwhelmed at the aspect of it because how do “I” share a story that started YEARS and YEARS ago? Where am I suppose to start?
Well I will do my best to tell it, and pray it helps someone else.
Ever realize your life can change in one single second? The second you meet your soulmate, the second your baby takes its first breath-life altering. There are times when it changes and it is HEART-WRENCHING pain. News that ends a marriage, someone you love has passed away, been hurt, or has an illness. I have experienced all of those in my lifetime. Many all from the ring of a phone. All life altering moments that forever change life as you knew it, in an instant. It is like you cross over a line of forever being changed from one second to the next.
This is my mom.
This was taken Easter Sunday.
She looks so happy.
Doesn’t look like the face of an abused woman does it?
Funny how photos can be. Funny how makeup and a smile can hide what is really going on in someones life.
What our eyes tell us we see. Photos can be altered, or used to tell a “story”, while we have no idea what we “don’t” see. Just like the stars in magazines, things get trimmed, slimmed, covered, altered and edited.
So is this photo.
This is what this photo doesn’t tell you.
Would you believe that this photo of my mom was taken the day after her husband attempted to murder her? Well it was.
What you can’t see is that I had to photo shop this photo-a lot.
You can’t see the lump on her head from him slamming her against the wall, as he pinned her there.
You can’t see all the makeup she has on to cover the bruises on her neck that are from her husband choking her, to the point where she almost passed out.
You can’t hear the words he kept saying to her, as he attacked her, that still play endlessly in her head, “Why! Why do you make me do these things to you! Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut!” (that is the nicest of it)
I cropped out her hands, so you can’t see several of the defensive knife wounds that she got from what the court calls a Machete.
You probably can’t tell that this same woman was cowering on the floor, literally begging him to stop, as she was apologzing to him for upsetting him, just to save her life.
You can’t see the 2 phones she tried to grab to call 911, because those are both broken. He smashed them to pieces as she grabbed each one. He did finally hand her his cell phone as he told her ” You want to call the police? I will dial the number for you. But you will be dead before they have time to get here.” (also the nicest of it)
You can’t see the very dark circles under her eyes, from crying with worry over him, after he was arrested for the attempted murder of her.
You can’t see the shame she feels, and the fact that she didn’t want them taking photos of her injured, or to even go to the hospital.
In the police report, in all the photos, you can’t see everything that got broken during their struggle. My mom’s heart, her spirit, even her will to continue life. You can’t see that she too is so broken.
You can’t see why she would feel so bad for him, that she wouldn’t want to press charges.
Or the fact that she hasn’t slept in a week because she is so terrified and can’t stop shaking.
You can’t see that she has low self esteem and feels “unworthy”.
You can’t see WHY she hasn’t seen this coming.
Why she stayed so long, and why she didn’t try to get out sooner.
You can’t see WHY she ever made excuses for him.
You can’t see why she never looked in the mirror, and saw herself as an abused woman, or why she still loves a man who clearly doesn’t even know what love is.
As of late I’ve felt like my mom was drowning. I kept extending my hand, trying to pull her out, and she kept letting it go. I think now she is ready to hold on, to be saved. I think she realizes if she doesn’t hang on, she will drown.
My mother’s husband was always short tempered. No excuses. Drinking, not drinking. She couldn’t really express an opinion, had to watch her tone. Over the years she excluded herself from her family. Made excuses for bruises, or broken things, and that was exhausting. She revolved her world around pleasing someone that couldn’t be pleased.
His violence has gotten progressively worse over the years. More so as of late. This event was bound to take place at some point. Any relationship of violence, always progresses.
By sharing my mother’s story, I hope this helps someone! If you are like her, or know someone like her. It’s not too late to get help.
Facts about acts of violence
Statistics of Battered Women
If you would like more information about A Safe Place and the programs we provide, please call us at 847-731-7165 or email us at [email protected]. |
In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner.1 That’s an average of three women every day. Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.2
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.3 According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.4 Less than 20 percent of battered women sought medical treatment following an injury.5
I don’t want anyone to become a statistic. My mother almost became one!
She got lucky, that time.
Thank you for letting my share my mother’s story. It isn’t an easy thing to share, but this type of thing really doies happen, and it can be happening to someone YOU love.
I wish I did something sooner to make my mother see what was really going on.
All I can do now is be there for her. My family is rallying around my mom so she knows she isn’t alone.
So thank you for letting me share. This isn’t easy, but I know my blog has been used to touch so many lives through my sharing. I hope it can speak to someone else out there.
I’ll be back tomorrow for a GIVEAWAY post 😀 Don’t miss it
198 Responses for "My Mother’s Story"
My heart goes out to your mom for all that she’s been through and has had to endure. Lots of love and prayers are sent for her… and for you. I can only imagine what this has been like for you too.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I know it must have been difficult but a necessary story to be told.
Big hugs and love to you and your mom. We’ll chat soon, okay?
Love ya,
Renee
Lauren, I am so sorry that your mom has gone through this horrible thing. I can only imagine the horror that she went through. Luckily she has you and your family to help her through this. I understand that this story was very difficult to tell but it could also save another woman’s life who reads this and is going through the same thing.
Take care of yourself and let your mom know that my thoughts and prayers are with her. She can make it through this. God has a purpose for her. She is worthy of having a happy and healthy life
Angela
I will keep your mom in my prayers. Susan
Lauren – I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom and all that she has been through…I can’t even imagine the anxiety and stress this has been for your family. I will pray that for your Mom’s strength and resolve to care for herself. I started reading this woman’s blog a few years ago…she has had a similiar experience and she is now far past the devastation that her husband brought into their family life. Perhaps it can be comforting to your Mom…
http://kansasmilkmaid.com/wordpress/?page_id=51
Wow! Thank you for sharing such a horrible turn of events. I am sure that your Mom’s story and the fact that you were able to share it will definitely help a lot of women.
My thoughts and prayers go out to your Mom and your family…strength comes in numbers and you are winning the battle together.
Praying for you all and that your mother maintains the strength to move on past this. I grew up watching my mother being beaten. Waking up several times to see bruises and black eyes the next day. I was 5. Thank God she got out of that situation and she moved on by the time I was 9 and my brother was old enough to understand. You are right, it is a story that needs to be shared. Stay strong! Your mom is now heading for better days!!
Thank your for sharing your mom’s story. You are all in my prayers.
Oh Lauren, this is heartbreaking! Having grown up in an abusive home, and having lived through one abusive marriage myself, I can empathize with much of what your mother has suffered, the low self-esteem, the lack of belief in herself, the feeling of being unable to escape the situation, and continuing to love a man who does not know how to love you back. With God’s help, and supportive friends and family, I was able to escape all of that, and I’m now married to a wonderful man and living a life I never dreamed possible. If your Mom needs someone who has “been there done that” to talk to, please give her my email address. I will pray for your entire family Lauren, because I believe with all my heart that God is indeed the “great physician”, the healer of all wounds, and the only way to the peace your mother is seeking.
My heart goes out to your mom and to you and your family. Thank you for taking the time to share this with everyone as I hope it will help if not just one but many who are in denial of their situtation. Knowing and suspecting this has been going on is so hard when the one who is being abused is in denial, luckily for your mom God was with her that horrible evening and will be by her side as she works her way back to being the beautiful woman that she is. As a mother to a daughter who is in denial with the abusive relationship she is in I pray that sharing this story will help just one person to see that there is and will be many who will help and support them to move on with their lives.
Bless you Lauren and your mother for having the strength to share this . I pray for your mom and your family, the strength and guidance that God may walk with her through her recovery.
Hugs
Jacki
Praying that God sends his love and peace to your Mom and all of your family. God bless you for sharing…it is a message that will help someone. with love and prayers, Lisa
Thank you and your Mom for sharing, in doing so you can help so many. Your courage and strength are so amazing and give hope to others that they DO have it in them also. You are both in my heart and prayers.
you (and your mom) courageous and kind to share this story..hopefully it will impact others…an give them strength if they …or a loved one…are living the life of an abused person..
Thank you to both you for sharing your mom’s story. I am sure it will help save someone out there who might be going through something similar.
I am so sorry for what your mom has had to go through. Thankfully, she has such a strong support system in you and your family. I hope she stays strong and does what needs to be done to keep herself safe.
My thoughts are prayers are with you, your mom and family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do on my end.
Hugs,
Sonia
Lauren,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom. This is the farthest thing I could ever imagine what your mom is going through….loosing a loved one yes, having a devastating illness, yes…almost loosing her life at the hands of someone who is supposed to love and protect her NEVER!! She is truly lucky to be alive, her recovery will be a long one, but with each new day, and each new prayer where her loved ones and strangers pray for her, her broken wings will mend and she will soon begin to flutter at first, fluttering will soon turn into flying and before you know it she will begin to soar; soar above all of the shame she must feel, soar, soar above all of the hurt and nightmares…she will soar and be FREE! I can only imagine how you must feel; in way you have lost your mom, but this is only temporary, and you will soon have your mom back; you too are strong…
Hugs to you and your mom,
Timmi
Oh Lauren I am so sorry this has happened to your Mother and your family. One of my best friends has given up on her Mother. She begged her Mom when she was 16 to leave with her and they could make it together, needless to say her Mother is still with her Father. She begged for years and years and has finally let it go. I will forward your story n maybe just maybe it will be a spark. Again I am sorry for this and Thank You for sharing!
Like many others, I am very sorry to hear this about your mother and am so glad that she has you to help her through this difficult time. I don’t know what else to say…this is a horrible situation. I wish her a speedy recovery both mentally and physically.
Lauren,
I’ve been thinking about you lately & wondering where you’ve been… now I know. My heart goes out to you & your family. I’ll pray for your Mom.
Hugs all around…
Oh wow, Lauren! That is horrible. I’ll continue to keep your Mom in my prayers. You are a huge blessing to her.
Oh Lauren, what a heartbreaking story! My heart goes out to your Mom, and to your entire family. So thankful this didn’t end more tragically and that you are a strong enough person to help her. She is gonna need you! Sending prayers up for you!
Hugs & Prayers for your Mom and family!! Thanks for sharing her story. It can only help her get stronger and move forward and truely enjoy life!!! Life is too short to be in a wasted relationship like this. She’s obviously has great support and love around her. She’s obviously a great mom & grandmother, because of all you’ve said in the past about her and the way you’ve been raised. She deserves better than they way she’s been treated and she’s not the one with the issues, “he” is….. I hope time heals the wounds that have been created, hugs to your mom!!! You can get past this…..
Thank you for sharing your story so that it may help someone else who is dealing with domestic violence.
I am praying for strength for your mom, for you, and for your family to get through this difficult time.
I too was thinking “haven’t heard or read much from you recently” now we know why. What a terrible thing for your mother to have gone through. Knowing so many thoughts and prayers are being sent her way must help her in her recovery.
Love, Prayers and Strength are going out to you mom and you and your family. she has an awesome support system if she will just allow you to be. I know my God is a healer and your mom is an awesome and amazing person who has just lost sight of all her strengths. The evidence of her goodness is you and your brother. I will continue to pray for her and ask God to empower her with a boldness and power to be strong in the days to come. Much love to you and your beautiful family. I pray that God will continue to give you strength in this time and the wisdom to continue to support your mother and help her rebuild her life.
Lauren, I know this was a tough post to make. I have worked with many families who have experienced issues of domestic violence, it is never easy and it is never simple to “figure out” or understand. As time distances your mom from that horrid night, I predict she will grow stronger. With your strength, she will be able to empower herself and realize which choices are necessary for her to make.
Thank you for sharing your mom’s story, I know it was difficult. You will never know how many lives you might change with your words.
On another note, I’m not sure that your local paper didn’t violate your mom’s privacy rights in posting her address and her relationship to the suspect. You might want to address that with your local authorities. Victims of domestic violence are EXTREMELY protected in Florida and I cannot imagine it is that different in your neck of the woods.
I’m so sorry your mother has had to go thruough such a horrible thing. Please tell her that she is a VERY BRAVE woman for being able to put an end to the abuse and not become a statistic herself. Please continue to stay strong for her and I wish her a speedy recovery mentally and physically. Lots of ((HUGS)) for both of you.
Lauren, I am SOO sorry to hear about this. What a very hard situation to go through. I was married to an alcoholic. You can never imagine how it is until you have been through it yourself. I was not as physically abused as I was mentally. They make you believe they will change every SINGLE time there is an incident. They break you down and tell you that you will be nothing without them. They are very manipulative. I had my daughter and NEVER wanted to be divorced because my parents had been and I didn’t want that for my daughter so I lived with it for more years that I should have. Luckily my daughter was young so she really doesn’t remember but I finally had to see that first I didn’t deserve this but also I didn’t want my daughter thinking it was okay for men to treat you like I was treated. I took years to get up the nerve. I am now very happily married for 9 years to the most amazing man. I couldn’t imagine having anything less. Women need to realize that there are wonderful descent men that will treat you how you deserve to be treat and to never settle. My heart goes out to your mom and your family. May God give her strength to overcome all that she has been through. She is very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter as yourself. Thanks for sharing. I know it will help many struggling themselves. My prayers are with you all!!
Lauren,
My heart goes out to you and especially your mother. My story is similar; verbal and mental abuse til I had withdrawn almost completely. I did finally find a bit of strength to get out. It was the best thing that I’ve ever done for myself and my family. It was a tiny prayer that reached God’s ear. Tell your mom he listens.
I will keep you all in my prayers.
Thanks for sharing your story. Even though we have never met, I have been worried to see your blog empty for so long. Sharing your story is bound to help someone and you are both so brave to share it. It is a big part of recovery to do that.
Stay strong for your mom. She will likely need you a lot in the weeks to come. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
It is a truly brave thing you are doing in sharing your mom’s story – it’s hard to sometimes bring our lives into the public eye but you are doing it for all the right reasons. If this story saves even ONE woman from suffering another day of abuse then your story has done its deed. My prayers will continue for you, your mom and the whole family. God Bless.
Both you and your mother are stronger than you know! I continue to pray for both of you!
Thank you for sharing. Praying that all of you get through this ordeal. It reminded me of the Tracey Thurman case here in CT-in her video, she pleads that victims get out as soon as possible. Easier said than done.. HUGS to all.
OMW – Lauren, I am sooo glad you mom is safe now. Such a horrible thing for her to go through!!! She is sooo lucky to have your family there to help her through this. Please give her a huge hug from me and let he know that she is in my thoughts and prayers!!! I myself was in a very abusive marriage, (but never to this extent), and know how hard it is!!! She will bounce back and be a stronger person, but she will definitely go through a very mixed bag of emotions first!!! She is so lucky to have you there to help her though it!!!
Your mum’s story is all to familiar to me as I am a domestic violence counsellor, I help women and children escape abusive relationships and assist them to go to shelters.
I love my work and am passionate about it because my own mother was abused by my father. At six I watched him twist her legs till they broke, she was due to have her 6th baby. I think the only reason my mother is alive today is because he died in his early thirties.
Your mother has endured a lot, I know how serious it is when it gets to the point that he is choking her so many woman die as a result or sustain serious brain damage due to strangulation.
I am glad she is safe.
Keep strong Lauren and Mom.
♥
My thoughts and prayers go out to your Mom and others living and dealing with the same issues. You were right to share the story as a support to an unknown number of readers possibly going through the same experiences.Times are tough all over and everyone is under so much stress . Hugs to you for your continued willingness to help others with your kindness and leadership.
Lauren–thinking of you and your mom. This is a field I used to work in, for many years, and I want to suggest an author and his books to you: Gavin DeBecker–“The Gift of Fear” and “Embracing Fear.” He later went on to run a bodyguarding company for celebrities.
Your mom is still in danger, and needs to remain vigilant. She learns to need to recognize valid fears and separate them from over-reactions, and his books can help. Especially because it is a small town and she cannot really get away from the situation by moving to another section of town or another suburb. Restraining orders sound like a good idea, but can also cause trouble.
Also, she needs to learn to protect herself from getting into another similar situation with someone else. Self-protection is a learned behavior, and until she learns it, she is vulnerable.
I feel like I know you because I have bought your materials and even some used stamps. Please contact me through my e-mail if you or your mom want some extra support.
Good thoughts & prayers to your family! She is a brave woman. 🙂
I pray for healing of heart, mind, and soul for your mother. She is lucky to be able to lean on you for support.
Lauren, My heart goes out to your family. I will continue all of you in my prayers, especially your mom, so that God grants her the strength she needs to move on and all of you to be the rock she needs right now. By sharing, she has accepted her reality and that is the first step in this battle and with time and with the love from her family it will get better. God bless
Hi Lauren,
I can relate to what your mom went through because I was an abused wife, although not to the point where my life was in danger. I was married for 17 years before friends finally convinced me that life was too short. It was scary at first and I had many friends who I could lean on but it was still scary being alone, not knowing if he followed me, not knowing. I still have fear sometimes, not because of the unknown, but of what could have happened. Guess I shouldn’t look back and thank the Lord that I am safe and healthy and most of all happy. Happier than I have been in 20 years! I’m not 20 or 30 or 40, I am almost 60 and the guys look at all the young ones, but I have found love and feel alive to do and say things without fear. I am happy and your mom can get there too. I’d be glad to chat with her if she wants someone to exchange thoughts with. She is welcome to email me anytime.
Marsha
Lauren, I am so happy you are back. I’m so sorry for your Mother and her family. I was in an abusive marriage also. I was told that no one would ever want me or my three young children. I was nothing. For many years that’s exactly what I thought. He also abused my daughters. That was it! He could do what he wanted to me but not my children. I left. I was able to get a great job and my self esteem back. It wasn’t easy but it was a lot better than living with him. I only received $2,000 in child support over 10 years but I was able to make it with the help of my family and friends. I found a wonderful man who not only took care of me but also my three children. We added two more children and now have a wonderful family of 5 children and 5 grandchildren. We have been married for 20 years. Happiness is out there! Love, Diane
Lauren thank you very much for sharing this story with the world. I will be sharing this with my sister who was in your moms shoes about a year ago. We have rallied around her ad well but he has such control over her that she struggles to leave him. As a Christian she feels that god will fix all things and this includes him, however we fear for her life everyday! Maybe her story and your statistics will make her see that she can have a better life and some people just can’t be saved! We’ll be praying for your family.
Oh sweetie! I’m sooo sorry to hear this! BIG HUGS to you and your beautiful mom! Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!
I have tears in my eyes reading this Lauren. I am so happy your mom made it through,so this means she is a very strong woman and this will make her stronger.
I will keep her in my prayers and stay strong Lauren!
Lauren, I, too, am so very sorry this has happened to your Mom and to your family. My heart goes out to all of you, especially your Mom. Sadly, there are many of us who read your blog that have already gone through this ourselves or with someone in our family. I am included in this. It doesn’t lessen what happened to your Mom but it also isn’t something that is a rarity in this ole’ world we live in. I wish I had some magic words to make it all better for her. I don’t. But I think she may be at a point where she is ready to come up for air and maybe get out of this situation. I hope and pray that she is. That is the only way this is going to stop. Everyone who’s never been through it always says, just leave. It’s not that simple. But, it is the answer, I’m afraid. With your help, and the strength you are giving her back from all the years she taught it to you, maybe now she can go. Please give her a big hug for me.
Lauren,
I think you are right to tell the story. It is so familar. What a wonderful daughter you were to continue to put out the helping hand again and again even though she wasn’t ready. My prayers are with you and your Mom. I wish you both well on this long journey that has just begun.
Lots of love and prayers are sent for her and for you. What a terrible experience.
Lots of thoughts and hugs to you and your mom.
Hugs Gurkiss
Lauren
Prayers for your mom and family.
It is a hard road back but with the love and support of many people, known and unknown, it will happen.
Myrna
Lauren, I don’t often find the time to leave comments, although I love checking out your blog. Reading this post, I just had to take a moment.
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to share this story, and how difficult it must be to live the reality of it. Thank you for sharing, and for reaching out to others who may be affected by similar awful circumstances.
My thoughts are with you, your mother and your family. All the very best in helping her through this, and in taking care of yourself while you do so.
Best wishes,
Elaine
OMG! My heart and prayers to you and your mom. This is obviously very difficult for all of you. I pray she makes the right decision to press charges and leave this monster. Thank God she has you to help her through this horrendous ordeal. I will continue to pray for all of you. Hang on to the Lord and each other!
hi there,
my thoughts are truely with your mum and with you and your family. any abuse is soul destroying and I know myself how hard it is to cope with it all. It takes a long time to heal, but hey, it really is worth it! It’s worth putting the work in and going through that hard time, because at some point you’ll see the sunshine again, you’ll feel good feelings again. Please try and make it through those dark times now…. He’s not worth giving up life for! Sorry, I wish I could write it better, my English really isn’t the best and sometimes I have trouble to really explain what I want to say. I hope you’ll find a good therapist and people that can help. There’s one thing that really helped me along in really dark times, it’s a “sunshine diary”…. basically it’s a notebook where I write down one good thing each day that’s happened to me. Even simple things like “a nice cup of tea”…. It just helps not to lose contact to the good things completely….
Wish I could help somehow….
And I truely hope she’ll find a safe place soon. And all of you will find peace again…
Even though i find it hard to believe in God, I’ll try and pray for you….
Micky
(abused from the age of 2 till 17)
My prayers and my thoughts are with you all – remember – to get through anything – the golden rule is to live in the moment – don’t look back, don’t look forwards…. each can be scary… stay in the ‘now’ and you will all get through…
With love
Ros
xxx
Thanks for having the guts to share this; that’s what it takes for both you and your mom…guts. I’ve worked in the legal field for many years, the last several at a busy Public Defender’s office. I’ve seen it all. Nothing that one human being can do to another surprises me any more; I’m no longer capable of surprise or shock. I’m glad you shared this for those as yet untouched by violence; they are the lucky ones, yet also the ones that need to be the most vigilant. For the rest of us, all I can offer is my prayers as you go through the court process.
Thank you,
Elin K.
Prayers coming your way Lauren. It took real love and strength to write this post. Thank you for sharing. I’m sure you have touched a cord with at least one life! God Bless.
Oh Lauren… I am so sorry to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, and your family. I pray that your mom will recover from this both physically and mentally and get the proper counselling she will need to get on with her life. This is just so sad and horrific. Will continue to keep you all in my prayers. Thanks so much for sharing this. Hopefully, it will help someone else take the necessary measures to keep this from happening to them. There is so much abuse that goes on and it’s just devastating to victims and families all over the world.
WOW! I never would have dreamed that this was what your mom was going thru. Hugs and prayers to you all.
Luaren,
I am truly sorry to hear what you and your family are going through! luckily, she has you for support and love that she so deservingly needs! I willkeep you, your Mom and the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers! She can and will get through this!
Lauren,
Will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thanks for sharing your story-I believe it will help others. You are an amazing strong woman and your Mom is blessed to have you on her side. With your help she can make it through.
Lauren,
I am a pretty new follower of your blog, and i have just sat and read this post with my mouth wide open.
I don’t normally comment on blogs very often, but felt this needed to be commented on.
I wanted to say that i think both you and your Mother are 2 very special ladies. Your mother has been through hell and thankfully survived it. She has become the strong lady she now will need to be for the tough times ahead. And you are also a very strong lady. The way you wrote this was with so much passion and care for your mother. I know that you and your family will get through what have been and will be for a little longer, very tough times. I am sure you will all do this and achieve the world. Well done to you and your mum (i am in the UK) for being who you truely are and being there for each other.
Good Luck
Amanda xxx
Both you and your Mom are courageous for sharing that story. Thank you! My thoughts and prayers are with your family. xo
Your mom will continue to be in my prayers. She can recover and move on to a better life. Everyone deserves it.
I went through a similar life when I was 16-17-years old. I had a child with this man (my son is soon to be 38 and is a wonderful husband, father, son and policeman). I left when I was 18 and moved back home with my parents. I knew I had to get away from him or one of us would die.
That’s been many, many years ago now and I never did let another man hurt me. I’m now married to a wonderful man and we enjoy life together every single day.
She can and will move forward with your help Lauren.
Bless you for being such a sweet daughter.
Debbie Reaves
So sorry to hear your family has been going through something this horrible. 🙁 It looks like your Mom needed that almost fatal experience to find the strenght to escape this situation. And that is the saddest part of it, women in love finding excuses to their partner till it’s too late. Because how can you accept that someone you love and who claims to love you could hurt you this way. This is why people need to know, and families need to stick their nose in their mom, daughter, sister…’s life, because it can happen to anyone.
I will chose to see your Mom’s present situation as a gift. She got the gift of life, a chance to turn her life around and learn to be happy, to enjoy being herself again without having her opinions repressed, and more than anything learn to feel safe again and live without constant fear. Yes it is heartbreaking, upsetting, and awfully hard. But she will make it, and she will be free of this, and this is a positive thing to be celebrated. I keep her and your family in my prayers for strenght and peace of mind. (((HUGS)))
Oh I am so sorry to hear all that your mother has been through and you too…I so pray that she finds the strength from God to get through all that is ahead of her, and to have a good life, one without hurt and fear.
Prayers for peace and strength for your family are being said.
Dear Lauren, I am deeply sorry for your Mom. God Bless her and your family. I am going through the same thing myself!.
I pray, she is strong enough never to go back to that situation. I have left before, and came back. I understand your mom. Its like a bad drug, (the only way i can describe it.) The addiction of feeling your no good and no one else would want you. I am sure you mother will agree that
the mental abuse is far worse than the bruises.
Love and Prayers,
Bonnie Jean
thanks for sharing. you did the right thing
it took a ton of courage for you to tell this story Lauren. Thank you for doing this.. it is a gift to the women who read your blog.. Blessings and continued strength to your Mom…may she grow daily in both.. sending love in both of your directions!
My heart hurts so much for your mom and for you. I am praying that you both will feel the true love and safe comfort from the many friends that feel you are family. There is a lot of real love in the world as there is a lot of hurt and ugliness out there…..I truly pray your mother can come to love herself and see she is worth so very much….to herself, to her family, to her friends and to so many new friends that do not know her personally.
Much love and many prayers for healing and knowing all of you are being covered with the love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I have friends who have gone through this. Thank you so much for sharing your Mom’s story. I can’t even imagine the pain this is causing you. Sending big hugs to you and your family.
I am having a hard time even putting into words how I feel after reading your story. My heart goes out to you and your mom and your family. May God’s Peace and Love be with you!
My heart breaks, to hear this horrid, tragic story. I am so very sorry that she has been so abused, and sorry for you and your family, too. It has to be awful to go through such stress over a loved one. I can’t even imagine…
Sharing with us might help someone else get out of a similar situation. I hope anyone who is being abused will realize that they must get away from their abuser. Don’t defend them, they do NOT love you! They are mentally ill, and need help; and please save your OWN life and leave. There are agencies to help, they WILL help you start over. BE BRAVE! HAVE COURAGE! Do NOT let someone abuse you ever again!
Thanks Lauren, you are an angel…
Your mom is in my prayers Lauren! I have witnessed this happen to a lady in my life and your story is very poignant. I pray it gives strength to many women who read your blog daily and whom experience this very same thing.
Lauren, my heart goes out to your mom and you!! I have to say I know what she has gone through. Of course mine wasn’t as bad as hers but I was able to get out and move on with my life. I feel that now that she really knows you are there to help her that she will be able to get out and get on with a better life that she really deserves. Give her my best!!
Sending love to you your mum and your family.
You have so done the right thing by sharing this, as I have sat here reading there are many women, children and men around the world going through the same thing. This needs to be brought out into the world to teach them not to be ashamed and to find the strength to get help. Before its too late.
So glad your mum is safe, now a new journey begins. It will be a long hard one but with love around her she will grow strong and live a better life. x
So many messages already. I hope they give you and your mother support, hope and healing. You’ve shared so much of yourself Lauren- you are truly a brave and wonderful woman. My heart breaks and I teared up as I read this. My mother was also abused- I was a child- I never saw it- and I didn’t even know about it til recently. Thankfully that man is gone (he commited sucide) and she is happily married- but not all women have that happily ever after. I hope it for your mom. Lauren’s mom: If you read this- you are a beautiful, feirce child of God. It may not feel like it- but it is the truth. I will pray for your healing, physically and emotionally, as you enter a new chapter in your life. The saddest lie we believe is that we don’t deserve any better and that we are truly are alone- both of these can’t be farther from the truth. I hope and pray the best for both of you- and I hope you have some peace in sharing this story Lauren. Good luck and God bless the both of you.
Dear Lauren, my heart goes out to you and especially to your mom. I hope she will rise above all this and conquer all fear and find her total selfworth. Man she raised such a powerful daughter tell her to look into your eyes and find that strength.
Oh Lauren! Your mom and you are such brave women. Thank you for sharing your heart breaking story. It is important and most surely will help others on their own difficult path. Sending you all prayers and strength to help each other through this time.
I am so sorry this is happening to your family, but thankful that there are people like you that share their stories. If only one person reads this story and seeks help for their situation, you’ve done a great thing. As a former EMS worker and 911 dispatcher I have dealt with this so many times, too numerous to count. Here is to your moms strength, may she continue to heal. Thank you for sharing this story.
My heart goes out to you, your mum and family. It’s very heartbreaking to read, be strong, honest and open with each other, secrets keep you sick and weak. I too lived with a husband who was violent and I am very thankful that I’m out the other end and very happily married to a very caring man.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
I follow your blog consistently and knew that for you to not post in such a long time, something terrible must have happened. I wish I knew what we as a society must do to make violence against women STOP. You find it in every socio-economic, racial, and geographical area. REAL STORIES force the issue to the front in a dizzingly “connected” society. So, for sharing your story, thank you and your Mom.
I hope that she can start her “after” soon. There is so much to get through, but let her know that the “after” will be so much sweeter. My mother has shared her story with newly escaped women. I still marvel at the courage to drive 2000 miles across the country with a U-haul and 4 little kids at a time when she couldn’t even rent an apartment on her own.
Please do not feel bad about not being able to get her out before this, only your MOM could make that decision. I will pray for you all and dream up a most wonderful “after” for her.
Words never seem enough in these things,but my prayers go to you and your family Lauren.You are very brave to share this story and I hope you and your mum find some comfort.
My tears I shed as I read your email are full of every emotion. I am dealing with a verbal and emotional abuser who didn’t think physical violence was abuse until he became a “peace” officer. This only increased the emotional/verbal abuse and he was still violent….breaking things and hitting things. It was such a scary environment and to come from being a strong woman to being a scared woman, second guessing my every step, taking all his abuse is what the general population doesn’t always understand. Why do they stay? There is a GIANT emotional component that almost makes you numb in order to just survive. Unfortunately that same “numbing defense” numbs your senses and you fall into this “hole” that’s very difficult to escape. I’m out…..it took me years and my heart breaks since we have a child and I see him dishing out the same emotional abuses to our child. It would only be worse if I stayed, so I find comfort in my leaving him, prayer, and my example to my child. I’m so GLAD that I CAN be a good example now. I didn’t want to show my child the abusive relationship I had was what love is….My prayer is that my child will grow to be emotionally healthy, safe and know real love. Name and email withheld….thank you for understanding.
Lauren, I don’t even know what to say!!! My heart goes out to her and your family!!! Please know that I will pray for your mom!!! I hope she will find the strenght to move on and find happiness in her live again!!! Please give her a big hug from me!!! Hugs ~S~
My thoughts are with your mom & your family. I hope she heals from this & will get better soon. Thank you for sharing your story since I’m sure it’s happening all around us & hopefully, it gives others a wake up call & get help.
Thanks for sharing, Lauren. It is hard when it is an issue so close to you but as you said, I pray it will help someone else think about their situation and take some steps to change it. May God give you strength and wisdom as you support your mom during this time and may He give her the strength she needs to pull away and realize she is a valuable, precious, woman who doesn’t need to take that sort of abuse. She is NOT alone in this and can seek support from help groups. Bless you for all your care, concern and love for your mom. I know you are a treasure to her!
Lauren, I can’t even imagine the horror you and your family are experiencing through this difficult time. Your family’s story brought tears to my eyes! I just pray that the Lord brings your mom strength and courage to get through this battle!
My friend worked for a battered woman’s shelter and she said it was heart-wrenching to see what husbands did to their wives. Many women had to be relocated because of the continued threats they received. I just pray that this time your mom holds on to your hand and your love and doesn’t look back! There’s much better things in this world for her to see and experience!
I will continue to pray for her and for you as well! I know this has been a hard, difficult road for you. Just know, the Lord will get you all through it!
Much love, Rosemary
This is such a sad situation especially after I’ve seen my sister go through this for years! Constantly in & out of the hospital w/broken ribs, broken nose, broken arm, black eyes, cuts, bruises, you name it, she had it done to her from her “Husband”! My heart goes out to you & your Mom, that is the WORST thing anybody has to go through! With you by her side, she will overcome this horrible nightmare in time! I will keep your family in my prayers.
hugs,
Emma:)
The courage you show to help others is without measure.
Lots of love, hugs, kisses and prayers are on their way for you, your mother and everyone that has been or is in that kind of a relationship.
Thanks for being so brave
Oh, Lauren, my heart and thoughts and prayers go out to your Mom and to you and your family. Thank you for sharing this very personal story so that others can be helped by it.
Lauren. My heart goes out to You and Your Mom. I came from an abusive, drinking Father. Luckly My Mom wouldn’t let him touch any of us 6 kids, but took all the punishment. However, she never left him either using all of us as an excuse. When we were all grown (all but two of us have issues with this still) her excuses were gone. Me being My Dad’s favorite had always been able to control Him but when all kids were out of the house I talked My Mom into leaving him…furious as he was he knew I was right! Months later he stopped drinking, they resumed their marriage and all went great until he passed. Not everyone has that kind of luck!
I swore I would never be in a relationship like that, but it happened…I divorced him after 1 1/2 years and have be happily married now for 35 years to a Wonderful Man!!
There is life after abuse! Just look for someone opposite Your abuser and You will have a great life!!
Hugs, prayers and good thoughts to all!!!
Lauren, my heart is breaking for your mom and for you too. I’m hoping she gets the help she needs to know she is worthy of love and respect, to build her self-esteem. She is blessed to have such a loving and devoted daughter. My prayers will continue to be with you and your mom. God bless!
Prayers for peace, strength and understanding for your family are headed your way. I am very sorry such an awful things has happened to your mother. While I could never understand what you are your mother are going thru, I know this took a huge amount of courage to share this. My heart goes out to your mother and your family.
Lauren,
Tho I read your blog, I have never commented before. I wanted to thank-you for sharing your mother’s story with everyone, I know it had to be difficult for everyone in your family. My heart goes out to your mom. Thank-you again for sharing this story, my prayers are with you and your mom.
Hugs,
Tanya
Oh Lauren ~ I am so sorry for you mom! I am sending prayers her way (and yours as well) hoping that God will be with her and help her with this tragedy. I have been there once and I will never get into this situation again. Your mom will be stronger for this and I know it will be hard for her, but God will make her stronger!! Thank the Good Lord your mom has you!!! You can both get through this together…again…I have always heard that “prayer in numbers” will create miracles! God Bless You Both!!!
My first husband was abusive, and his favorite thing to do was the choking thing. I will be praying for your mom. and for all of your family. I take it he was younger than her, not that age is anything my husband is 19 years older than I. But from some of my psych classes and sociology classes, they say sometimes when it is a younger man, it is a warning of instability…that they really are looking for a wife to be their caretaker, like a mom. I feel your mom’s pain, fear and uncertainty. Positive vibes going out, and prayers, Like i said.
take care of each other,
Susan
sorry, but I feel myself to write in my language…I
follow you from much time and I know all your history, that is why I feel to write..
è triste vedere che in ogni parte del mondo la violenza sulle donne sia la medesima e che , purtroppo, anche il comportamento delle donne sia altrettanto il medesimo…
qui in italia ogni giorno passano notizie ai telegiornali di violenze perpetrate su donne da mariti, fidanzati e che seppure siano stati fermati , ritentano fino ad arrivare all’omicidio. Dobbiamo batterci affinchè si smetta…”basta alla violenza” e dobbiamo far capire alle donne che non è un diritto dell’uomo ma un abuso e dobbiamo denunciare …
a prayer of heart for your mother …
cristina
Lauren,
Like so many others have said, I am sorry about what your mother, you and your family have been/are going through. You have given beauty and respect to an ugly truth through your words and your decision to share. You have a “voice” that people listen to in this community we all love. You face every situation head-on with the raw honesty we have come to expect and respect from you. You have done more than changed a life through this post, you have changed lives. There are people that admire you and want to emulate your artistic talents, yet through this post many have your eloquent words and will both share them and keep them in their hearts. I just know you have changed lives today. You have changed mine. I will keep your words close and I will keep your mother and your family in my prayers.
Lauren, I am so sorry for what you and your Mom have had to go through and I pray that he will never be allowed near your Mom again. My ex did not physically abuse me, but he was very verbally abusive and it has taken me a long time recovering from what he did. Your Mom has NO need to feel shame! The shame is ALL his for treating her so badly! I hope that life will become much better for her now, and thankfully, she has you to care about her. And I hope that reading this will help other women trapped with abusive husbands. There are many more of them than I like to think about.
Your words break my heart. My first thought before I read your story was that your Mom had A LOT of makeup on and it looked like a mask that was hiding something. I never dreamt what was behind the picture.
Please let your Mom know that she is loved and needs to begin her life again by loving herself.
so much pain, hurt and sadness. I wish I could hug your Mom and give her the support she so desparately needs.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I hope your family and above all your mom
will go through this difficult time soon, and that your mother will find the strength to return to life she deserved, a life filled with true love
Goodness, Lauren, my heart goes out to your mom. All my prayers are that she is able to heal and go on from this. She is so lucky to have a daughter like you to love and support her.
Took a lot of courage on yours and your mother’s part to share your story. I hope she is in counseling to help her see she is a beautiful and worthy person and that she does not deserve to be treated in this manner. Keep hugging her and loving her and she will heal over time. God bless.
Praying for your mom to gain strength with each new day. You look a lot like your mother. You are both very beautiful women.
Lauren, your mother’s husband is an abusive bully – plain and simple. I’ve seen too many men like him and they NEVER change. They don’t want to change. They will say they’ll change, they’ll whine and cry until the abused partner takes them back. Then the abuse not only resumes, it escalates. It’s a freeking game to them – a game of control.
At the first hint of verbal or physical abuse – RUN as fast as you can and never look back. And above all remember the blame for abuse lies squarely on the shoulders of the abuser. NO ONE ever deserves abuse.
I am sorry your mother stayed so long in this relationship that it almost cost her life. With a lot of support she will hopefully be able to regain her self-esteem and find peace. Lauren you are brave to share this story but you might save a life – literally.
I came across this article because my blog is linked here in the comments section. As you can imagine, this is all to close to home. I lived in an abusive relationship for 15 years. I left my abuser three times. The third time was final. The official end was May 11,08. It took incredible amounts of energy to end the abuse. But, God was my refuge and strength. Because my case involved a criminal trial, my situation became increasingly challenging. My abuser admitted to almost all the abuse, but used a defense lawyer to launch character attacks to avoid prision time. Those were very difficult to endure. I had to deal with private investigator snooping around looking for anything to get him off as well as many attacks of slander used to try to wear me down. Abusers have a very distorted view of reality. For example, my abuse asserts the the charges were dropped because they were not founded. In reality, the defense manuevered by threatening ethical misconduct against the prosecutor. This pre-empted a weak plea bargain. That is, he plead guilty to lesser charges to avoid imprisionment, but he continues to tell others that charges were dropped.
It was very hard to disengage from the stronghold his distortions had on me. I found great help in the word of God, in a tremendous support system, and also in assistance through the domestic violence shelter.
Some excellent resources include a book called “Why does he do that: Inside the mind of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft. If you will google his name you will find a website with information about patterns and behaviors of abusers. This book was a key part of my healing.
There is life after abuse. My children and I had to relocate and endeavor to maintain privacy about our exact location. We have found hope after this crisis. God recently blessed me with a wonderful husband who is the most tender and kind man. He has walked with me through the flashbacks and the memories. He has helped me form new memories. I hope to write a book someday on our experience. Not what my abuser did to me but what God did for me to redeem me out of that situation and give us a new life. God is about setting captives free and restoring lives out of the ashes, out of the rubble.
I will pray for your mom. Feel free to contact us if we can be of any more help.
Blessings,
Christina
Lauren,
Having red the 101 messages already send to you with all the comments in it, there is not much left that I can tell you EXCEPT “Hold onto God for strength” now! Your family has been through such a lot, I can just imangine! your whole family are in my prayers. STAY STRONG!
Lauren, kudos to you AND your mom for sharing this story! Please know that your family is in our thoughts and prayers and that sharing your story helps others who may be in the same situation!
My prayers are with your mother. I work at a police department in a small town and see some of this. It is sad and we do all we can to help them, but if they do not want help, there is only so much we can do. I am sorry it took something so drastic for her to get help, but now she is ready and can accept what you have to give her.
Oh my, Lauren! No woman should have to suffer abuse from anyone! No wonder you were absent so long. I cannot even imagine what this has done to your family. I applaud you and your mom for having the strength to get through this together. I hope she knows how much support she also has from your followers. My thoughts and prayers go out to her and your family.
{{{Hugs}}}
Lisa
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Domestic violence is such a horrible thing. As a nurse we have to screen every patient we come in contact with.i myself as a young women was abused by my ex husband, I was very lucky.I had my parents and brother to turn to.my parents took me and my 8 month son back home and helped me. .I was also lucky that my ex was so mad that I had left that he did not even want to see me or his son again.For years I lived in fear that he would do something to me and my son. By going to nursing school, I realized that I did not cause him to abuse me and that he was the one with the problem. Most women think that they deserve to be abused, because it is there fault. No one deserves to be abused. I think that is the hardest issue with abused women. There are so many good programs out there now, to help abused women. Your mother is lucky to have you. take care
Thank you, Lauren, for sharing your mother’s story. She is lucky to have such a strong, loving daughter. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you continue to work through this ordeal. I wish you peace.
I am so sorry to hear about what your mother has been through…i’ve been abused and what people dont understand is how terrifying it is to leave the situation/relationship. my heart and prayers go to her and your family. Every breath we take, changes our lives!
I truly hope that by sharing your story that this can help one or more people in this situation. I’m saddend to hear that this is happened in your life. You are very strong for your mom and I’m glad that you have hubby, friends and your blog to reach out to. We will be strong for you. Please please hug your mom for me and ask your hubby to give you a hug from me. I truly hope that your mom is strong enough to let you and other help her at this time. So sorry to hear that this was the family issue you were dealing with. Remember that we all understand and are here for you. You and your family are in my prayers.
Lauren, My heart breaks for your mom and your entire family. I hope now that she will continue to find that strength from within to fight back and not let her abuser hurt her anymore. You and your husband are so wonderful to help her; unfortunately it needed to take this for your mom to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel.
My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and your family.
Thank-you for having the courage to share this story, Lauren. I shed a few tears as I read through your mum’s story and I’m grateful for the reminder to be thankful for my wonderfully supportive husband who is gentle and kind. My continued prayers for your mum. What a special lady she is to be thinking of others and wanting to share her story to protect them, particularly in this difficult time she is going through. Bless you both, may you know God’s true peace and comfort at this time.
Wow I am so sorry for all your family has been through I so was not expecting that. You and your Mum will continue to be in our prayers. We often forget that this sort of thing is happening in our community to our friends and familys. Thanks so much for sharing and making me more aware. God Bless
Louise
Hello Lauren, I get your newsletter every week and I just read the story about your Mom. My English is not so good ( ( I’m from the Netherlands) so my message is a short one.
I admire you a lot that you published the story on your site.
What a courage to share it “with the world”
I wish more people did this.
Be proud of yourself and your mother.
My wishes for you are: love kindness and peace for all off you.
Patricia.
I can only imagine how difficult it was to share such a personal.. I admire your courage (and your mom’s) for making it public.. the statistics are just horryifying.. continued hugs and prayers for you, your Mom and your entire family..
Lauren,
So much courage for you to share and for your mom to allow you to share her pain and the horror of what she has been living. Thank-you for sharing her story and the statistics of spouse-abuse. You may have helped “save” someone who is in, or knows someone who is in that situation. Prayers go to you all…..
Oh my goodness Lauren – I am struggling with what to write because there just do not seem to be any appropriate words. I’m glad that you have been able to be strong for her and feel that as difficult as it was to share her story, if even one person finds the strength to leave an abusive relationship you have done an amazing thing. You’ll all be in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart and prayers go out to you both! I grew up watching women in my life suffer abuse, it is horrible. She is so blessed to have a wonderful supportive daughter in you. I pray she can find the strength and hope to move forward and have a happy, healthy life.
Hugs~
God bless you all will keep you in my prayers .Your Mother is a beautiful lady and so is her daughter.Keep well for her and look after each other
Having grown up in a violent home where the abuse wasn’t limited to my mother, I understand completely what your mother has gone through. My parents divorced after 33 years of marriage and I never understood why they stayed together that long. I hope you will continue to support your mom as she continues down this very long road. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Sorry to hear about your mom. You telling about it will help some one else who is going threw this.
It doesn’t make it any easyer on your family and the pain your mother has been threw.
I hope she heals fast inside and out and can move on to a much safer place soon.
She is lucky to have you by her side right now.
Who would have ever thought when you said your mom was going through some stuff that it would be that horrible. My heart goes out to you! It takes a strong person to tell the story and to want the story told. I always feel that if my story helps one person, it’s worth telling. God bless you all. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
thank you for sharing your mom’s story and to your mom for agreeing to share her story. I’ve been in situations like that and it’s very hard – hard to get out of and hard to reach out. I hope your mom gets the help she needs and stays away from this man. Good for you for being the friend she needs right now!
thank you for sharing your mom’s story. i’m sure it will help many. i will keep you both in my prayers….just remember god is always by our side. i’m a firm believer that he never gives us more than we can handle. take care …….
I am so sorry for everyone involved, especially your mom. I feel rage that a newspaper would print this, to me that is like being violated twice! With all the prayers coming her way, it will give your mom strength to make the tough decisions. If things happen for a reason, then this should touch someones’ life to help that person before it is too late. May God bless you and your family.
Oh my gosh Lauren!!! Major prayers for you and your mom coming from California! I am totally shocked at what happened. I never would have thought this is what your mom was going through. Please give her a hug from one of your PSF friends.
Praying for you and your mother during this time.
Lauren,
I am praying for your mom and you as well as the rest of your family as you go down this path.
God Bless
Diane
I’m glad your mom Spoke Out. Have you seen the video made by the Violence Unsilenced blog?
Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnPfFh7V-hQ&feature=player_embedded#!
Almost all our high school students watch the Deaf Hope “Til Domestic Violence Do Us Part” in my office — the actors are deaf and use ASL.
Oh Lauren… My heart goes out to your mom and your family. What a horrific situation. May the prayers sent your way be liberating and uplifting… giving your mom and family strength.
Hugs,
lise
God bless your Mom and your whole family! I pray that she knows she is a special creation of God and that she is worthy of all the love she receives from you and those who “really” love her!
Dear Lauren–
I found your blog while surfing the internet, linked from some other blog that I don’t know now. I have to say, I wasn’t expecting what I found, but I want to say that I am glad I read it. Not glad about what your mother–and you–have gone through, but it definitely reminded me that there are so many people going through these kinds of things, and I think you are incredibly brave for posting this in the hopes, I’m sure, of helping someone else. I will go on to read the rest of your blog now, but wanted to tell you that, although I don’t know either of you personally, I am sending out prayers and good thoughts to you, and wishing for all of this to be put in the past and that your mom will realize she deserves the best. I’m sure it’ll take some time–probably a lot of time–but someday, I pray it will. She’s lucky to have you, that’s for sure.
Sincerely,
Debbie P.
Lauren, your mom is beautiful and deserves to know what a good person she is. Bless her as she heals. Brainwashing is such a horrible thing–a friend of mine, who is very thin, actually started going thru doorways because her husband had her convinced she was too fat to go thru them frontwards.
My heart goes our for you—it has to be so tough seeing this happen to someone you love so much. Prayers that everything will go better for your mom.
God bless you all Lauren! That must have been so difficult for you to share her story. You look so much like your Mom…both of you are so beautiful. I pray that your Mom finds the strength to heal both in body and spirit. She will find herself again. With you behind her, how can she not? Hugs to you both!
So sorry to hear anyone has to go though anything like this!
This man the article sated is 29 yrs. old? I’m confused. That would make him nearly 1/2 your Mom’s age? That must have been difficult for you/your family to have such a young and immature step father?
Your Mom and you look like normal happy people. You are in my prayers that this Man will get his due justice, that your Mom’s self esteem and courage get built up enough to walk away from this awful person.
She is lucky to have you, and you her!
My mother has been gone so many years! Still miss her.
SG
Lauren..I just lost my mom to cancer this past Saturday. I can’t tell you the emptiness I feel inside. I pray that this will be a new beginning for your mother and she will have the strength to stay away from this mad man. So many women like her wind up taking them back. Thank you and thanks to your mother for being brave enough to post this…I know someone will be touched by your story and they will be helped.
Lauren so sorry to hear about what is happening to your mom and your family. You must be heartbroken for her. I believe your mom with your help will heal and learn from this terrible experience. I was eighteen when my boyfriend started slapping me around and I stuck with him for three years. I never felt happier than when I left him and I never went out with anyone like that again. I will say prayers for the both of you. God bless and thanks for sharing her story.
Lauren,
So sorry to hear of your mother’s struggle! I want to thank you, for sharing, and her for allowing you to. I know this will help someone out there! You are really lucky to still have your mom! I pray this allows her to see that she is better than the life he has tried to rule her with. She deserves so much more!!! Knowing you are there for her will surely help her get through this!!! You will all be in my prayers!
I’m so very sorry that your mother has endured this for so many years. I am glad that she is now safe from him and has you to rebuild her spirit. If one woman walks away from reading this and gets help, then it was worth you printing it. My God bless your mother, you and your family and may the healing begin.
This is so heartbreaking to hear this………I wish your mom all the best. No women should have to ever go through this. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. I’m glad your mom is safe now. My thoughts are with your family – and most of all your mom to have the strength to get through this and be a stronger women because of it.
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I will keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers during this time. I, too have gone thru this with my husband and it is someting I never want to live again. I completely understand how she didnt want to press charges and stayed, I did the exact same thing. My life was almost taken from me many times and when it finally all ended, it was him taking his own life. Ever since then, I have became stronger and really taking control of my life and raising my daughter. I pray she has the strengh to fight this battle.
Lauren,
I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to go through this with your mom. I hope her story helps other women going through the same thing.
I hope that she heals soon, and that she can see how bad this relationship is for her. Hopefully she can find the strength to let it go.
Your family is and will be in my thoughts.
Lauren, I am so sorry to hear that your Mom’s situation was much worse than I could have imagined. From all the messages you have received, it is obvious that many will benefit from you and your Mom being willing to share your experience. Knowing the situation, now, will make it even easier to pray for all of you, and I believe I will never go to your blog (or even use your creative tools) that a prayer won’t go up for all of you. Stay strong and know that you did the right thing.
Lauren, I’m horrified reading what your mother went through. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!! No one should be treated like that!
Lauren, I am so so sorry to hear how things are going. I am relieved to hear that your mom is realizing what is happening and has taken your hand to be pulled out of a horrible situation. I do hope that she will heal both inside and out, no one deserves to be treated like that, no matter what. Please let her know that she is in my thoughts, and prayers.
Wow, I’m glad you chose to share and that your mother finally founfd the courage to say enough!.
Lauren,
So sorry to read about your mother’s unfortunate and traumatic experience. God was watching out for her as she survived this ordeal. There will be many rough weeks ahead, but hopefully she is getting professional help to get her through this. In fact, it’s not a bad idea for you to see a counselor as it’s amazes how valuable they can be to help you cope with everything. I’m sure your mother is as beautiful inside and out, and we hurt for all of you. Thank goodness she finally reached out to you. I’ll add you to my prayer chain and keep you in my thoughts. Good Luck and take care!
My thoughts are with your mother. With your help I am sure she’ll get her life back.
It’s so unfortunate that her story is all too common but am grateful she didn’t become one of the worst of the stastics.
Hugs to you all!
Thank you for sharing. I have been worried about you. Those who have wonderful husbands cannot imagine the pain and the suffering that your poor mum has been through and so many like her. Sadly this issue is a world wide problem and not unique too where you are. I pray that your mum may have strength to do what is necessary so that she can enjoy the rest of her days in peace, love and true happiness. God bless you all.
I’m so sorry about what is going on in your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother. How scary and heart wrenching. I hope she finds a way to self confidence and the courage to forge a brighter future.
Lauren, what a moving account of something so terrible. I pray that your mother will continue to find the strength to deal with all this trauma and the ineveitable aftermath.
I also pray that you and the rest of your family will find some comfort.
Can’t even imagine how painful this is for your family. Your mom is blessed to have you to support her. These abusers are sick people and need to be stopped. You are helping by getting the word out there! Blessings to you and your family. Praying for all of you.
my heart goes out to you all you your mother and the rest of your family- I feel in my heart that you are such a strong person but don’t let all this overcome you and start drowning yourself. Talking about things like this always makes them fall into perspective but sometimes it’s the things that aren’t said that are the real problem. Thank you for sharing wht is such a personal issue and hopefully we can all help you all to remain strong and determined not to let this get to you completely. You amaze me that with all this going on you can still run your business, look after your immediate family and have time to blog and give stuff away- I admire your strength but know first hand that strength comes to you when you need it mostA PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED – this may sound corney and inappropriate but by sharing this you have helped yourself and your family and hopefully many others as well- love to you all
Lauren…wow…I’m so sorry that there are things like this in life that we have to experience. My love and heart go out to you and your family. Take care….really….take care…..
Lauren, you have a great support system here on SCS… It took alot of courage to post your story~ it is a healing process as well. Alot of prayers will be headed your way and to your Mother.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Be strong, you can get through this. For Mom…hold onto your daughter as much as needed, she is truly there with open arms to help you through but know that she wants to do this for you too! Thankyou for sharing your story. Even if it only helps one person, it will be one person that is alive today because of your willingness to share your story. The events tragic but on the brighter side, you are alive and you are helping to save another somewhere. Well wishes to you from my family and I.
My Darling Lauren,
My heart breaks for your beautiful Mom and your whole family. Tell her that she has the support and love of so many people in this time of her trouble. I know she will get through this time of trouble with the help and support of her wonderful family and friends. I promise to keep her in my thoughts and prayers and ask God to give her the strength she needs to break the cycle and go on to a wonderful life. You take care of yourself, too.
With love and many hugs,
Claudia
I can certainly write to you and tell you how my heart goes out to you and your family. But, what is most impressive to me is your courage to post something like this on a blog that SO many people follow. I admire your strength and courage – which is what is needed most at a time like this. You are a strong woman, stay that way!!
Lauren…I see strength in that picture of your Mom. Strength of awareness, strength of not hiding anymore, strength to move on. It is so hard to move into an uncertain future, but sometimes it’s the only way to go. Let Go and Let God lead the way. You must have gotten your strength from her :0) Hugs to you both!!
Lauren, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I pray that she will have the strength to pull herself out of that world. Don’t blame yourself for something a horrible person did to her. Unfortunately, women like your mom, don’t have the strength to pull out of that situation until it’s too late, no matter how we try to help. Now that he is out of the picture, now your Mom can heal. Her physical wounds will heal much quicker than the emotional ones. But she has you to tell her that she is beautiful, important and loved. Make her know these things so that she can be the stronger woman that she is deep down. I can see where you get your beauty from :o) Take care.
Lauren,
I am so glad that your mother is “ok.” What an awful thing for everyone. I will say prayers for her. My grandma was an abused women. Back in the early 60’s she finally left her husband. She had 5 children to take care of and she managed to provide a life filled with laughter and love. She met the man of her dreams in the mid 70’s and they shared a wonderful life together for almost 25 years before she passed. She is my role model. I only tell you this so you can share with your mother that there is hope. To be strong and not let someone else determine your fate. She can heal….it just takes time and love…for herself first and from her family and friends. Many blessing to you all!
Lauren, I am so happy you are back. I’m so sorry for your Mother and her family. I was in an abusive marriage also. I was told that no one would ever want me and that I was nothing. For many 3 long years that’s exactly what I thought. After a very dangerous incident, I left. I found a wonderful man who not only took care of me but is my soulmate and best friend. We have been married for 10 years. My prayers are with you and your Mother, your entire family. Let your mom know my prayer for her is the the Lord bless her and keep her, my his face shine upon her and give her the strength that surpasses all understanding. Many blessings!
Thank you and your Mom for sharing this story, it may help save lives! I know this was hard for you to post and took an enormous amount of strength on your part! My heart goes out to all of you and I will keep your family and especially your Mom in my prayers daily and I pray that she has the strength to stay away from him and to realize how blessed she is to have all the love and support from you and her family and friends.
Lenoria
Keeping you, your mother and whole family in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that your mom will have the strength to save her life and the life of the next woman. If she doesn’t press charges he will do this again and possibly kill the next time.
Hi again Lauren. I posted yesterday, but just had a thought after reading today’s comments. I wonder if we could do a call for all card makers. We could collect donated hand made cards for battered women’s shelters. Some things to give them hope and support?
When my sister-in-law was going through a messy divorce, I sent a card a week to her. I felt like she could open it when she needed a lift and know that we were behind her in the tough times. I am doing the same for a friend doing chemotherapy – a card a week.
Let me know what you think!
You and your Mom are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope she finds the strength she needs to keep him out of her life and not let him back in and to see what a beautiful supportive family she has to support her though this difficult time. God Bless.
Hugs
Nic
My prayers are with your mom.
I am so proud of you and your mom. You both have shared a story that has touched several of us in so many ways. I am an ER nurse and when we screen people one of the questions we ask people is if there is any domestic violence, past or present. The reason we are so involved with domestic violence is one of our doctors was murdered by her ex-husband, and no one had any clue that this was going on. It devastated so many of us…
Thank you for sharing this with us.
I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOUR MOTHER… IT IS TRULY A TERRIBLE THING AND I PRAY SHE GROWS STRONGER WITH EACH PASSING DAY…. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS SO HARD TO
UNDERSTAND AND TO TALK ABOUT BUT YOU ARE SO RIGHT IT HAPPENS EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY… STATISTICS ALSO SHOW THAT 3 OUT OF 5 WOMEN WILL HAVE BEEN ABUSED PHYSICALY, EMOTIONALY OR SEXUALY BY THE AGE 20… MAKES YOU WANT TO LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS… SO SO SAD… AND THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THE CRAZINESS IS TO PRESS CHARGES AND STAND UP AND NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE… IT HAS TO STOP… AND THAT ONLY HAPPENS ONE VOICE AT A TIME… GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR MOTHER FOR TAKING A STAND …. I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF HER FOR GETTING OUT… GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS !!!!
Lauren, I knew something very serious had happened but not in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this. I am so sorry to hear about what your Mom has gone through.
I just checked the blogs of all “your ladies” to see if there was a hint and I checked yours last. What a shocker.
May God give you all the strength to recover from this awful ordeal.
Please give your Mom a many hugs, including one from me.
Wow Lauren that is quite the story… First of all hugs to your mom, for survivng and for now helping others through you to survive as well. And hugs to you and Jay for figuring out how to help your mom and yourselves heal, all the while helping others.
That is a sad tale that fortunatley turned out OK (well not now, but it will).
You are all in my thoughts.
Diane
Oh, WOW! I used to be in your mom’s exact position, even as reading it I began to relive my own experiences.
I know exactly what she is going through…and it breaks my heart to know that someone else has had to go through this. I thought of all the amazing individuals that helped me get through it and become the woman that I am today…and tried to think of the most poignant advice that given in hopes of helping her…even a little.
** She has the power! **
I was told this 4 years ago, when I had decided for the fifth time to leave after a very vicious ‘day’. I never thought I had the power to do anything, let alone…Be on my own, be successful, have an amazing husband who treats me like a queen. BUT ~~ I did…and Most Importantly ~~ Your mom HAS THE POWER! I believe in her!! (as I can tell from your post…MANY MANY people believe in her also!!)
You are both in my daily thoughts and prayers!
Ü Harmony Ü
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Dear Lauren, Thank you for sharing your Mom’s story. I hope that your words will help many women out there. I’m sorry for all your Mom has been through. My Mom, also, was in an abusive relationship-verbally & physically. Luckily my Mom got out, before it escalated to this!
I hope that your Mom finds the strength she needs to get through this terrible time. Don’t feel bad that you couldn’t make her see sooner, in my own life I have found that a person can’t be helped, until they want to be helped. It seems now she WANTS to be helped, now you can be there and rally for her. Please keep us updated!! You are all in my thoughts and prayers!! Maureen
What a blessing to have a daughter like you. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Believe me it will make a difference in someone’s life. Abundant blessings and peace to your family.
Lauren! You have a beautiful mom…like you! Thank God she has you in her life. And what courage it must have taken for both you to tell the story and for your mom to agree to it being told along with finally reaching the point that she knew she needed help. I am so certain you have reached out to someone in similar circumstances. God Bless! I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and love, Judi
Your message NEEDS to be heard. Please do not place guilt on yourself. You said at the very end;
“I wish I did something sooner to make my mother see what was really going on”.
Your mother wasn’t ready. I am sure you tried many things and talked to her many times. She has to be ready to get out. It is so sad, but that is why there are so many women who have died. They weren’t ready. It is unfortunate that it takes almost being murdered to be ready to “hear” what family, loved ones, best friends have been trying to tell them; That they are valued, they are loved, they are good, they do deserve better, it isn’t you – it is him.
I am praying for your mother that she does continue to listen to you and that the love of her daughter, SIL and grandchildren (and other friends and family) will give her the will to learn to lover herself again.
Bless you Lauren for sharing your mother’s story and just possibly saving even one precious woman’s live.
I am very sorry that your mother has had to live with an abusive man. She is very lucky to have a daughter who loves her and is there to help her. She is also very lucky to be alive. I will keep your Mom and all of your family in my prayers.
Mary
Oh Lauren, what an awful thing to happen to anyone especially someone you love. I hope your mom gets the help she needs because it’s not just him who needs counseling. She needs help improving her self worth along with getting over the H*ll he put her through. Please make sure she gets that help. Take care.
oh, Lauren, somehow I missed this the other day. I just read it and I have tears in my eyes.
I am so sorry that your beautiful mother has been treated so terribly. I am so sorry that she ever believed a word that he told her. She is beautiful (and I see where you get your looks!!) and she sounds like a very strong and amazing woman. I will pray that God will heal her spirit and she can love herself again.
thank God that she is alive and on the mend!
Thank you for sharing your post. I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and brought it back to the store. It’s not easy being on a defense situation iin a marriage (I refuse to call myself a victim). Your Mom has shown SO much strength…even in the fact that she allowed herself to be photographed the next day! It takes a lot of courage and strength to PRETEND that nothing is wrong. I’m glad you are standing behind her, because it’s going to take a lot of strength on BOTH of your parts to fall back into your natural relationship with each other. But with you behind her, I know she will bounce back because you are both cheerleaders to each other. One of many sayings I live by is…we are not human beings living through a temporary spiritual life, we are spiritual beings living through a temporary human life. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was once there and now I have a wonderful man in my life. She is not alone. It happens all over and the more we stand up the less it will go on. I am in a small city in Northern Ontario Canada and am involve in a support group for abuse women. My heart goes out to you and your mom and hope she to will stand tall against abuse. love and prayers
I have worked with women who have suffered domestic violence and that moment when a victim becomes empowered and choses to be free is one of the most rewarding things I have experienced. Hope your Mum finally makes the break and starts living HER life for herself.
All the best.
Oh, Lauren…what a total shock! Hugs & prayers going out to you, your mom & your family. Kudos to your mom & you for speaking out about it, too. I know it will help people. It’s only in talking about these difficult things that we can heal & help others. Blessings to you!
Lauren your mother is extremly lucky and had an angel with her that night. I know the pain of which you described, “your mother drowning and you reaching out to give her a hand and her letting go”. My mother was in an abusive marriage for 13 yrs. At age 11 I begged her to leave him, I refused to live with her because of the night he held her and I by gun point and she made excuses and forgave him. This conversation happened numerous times over the years and it put a wall between us. She finally divorced him and I happened to be living across the street at this time at age 23 married and with two kids. He ignored me and I ignored him, he had his new girl friend and her two kids, ages 9 & 11 living with him. I was awakened one early morning by my brother (who lived four houses down the street) asking if I was okay and crying. That night (early morning) her ex-husband had shot all three of them during a drunken rampage. Looking out the window all I could see were police cars. My brother’s house was the one that the 11 yr old ran to for help. He called the police and then he had to carry her to the ambulance with a bullet in her thoat. The mother survived but has brain damage and is in a wheel chair and the 9 yr old hid in the bathroom after being shot in the arm trying to run away. They all three lived and he took his life that day before the police entered the home. It wasn’t until this day that my mother broke down and realized that she was endangering all of us by staying with this man. For 13 years she made excuses for him…it almost cost all of us our lives.
I will pray for your mother’s healing and also for yours because I understand the pain you have felt also.
God Bless your Mom. Thank you for sharing her story. I will keep her and you all in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless you for posting this Lauren. People always assume these things happen to “other” people and it is all around us. She is so fortunate to have the support of her family – you are such a good daughter! I will keep you all in my prayers.
Dear Lauren,
As I write this to you I am crying not only for your mother but for myself, I am also a gender violence survivor. I am substituting the word domestic for gender, because that is what it should be named, I think that the word domestic is sugar coating the violence that this animals inflict upon us just for the mere reason that they can and sadly they get away with it for most of the cases. My heart goes out to you and your mother, but what a blessing she has in having you as her daughter! I appreciate the fact that people are sending well meaning thoughts and prayers to you and that is fine and necessary, but under this circumstances I’m afraid for your mother’s physical well being as well as yours. I hope that you are getting safety tips and advice from people who deal with these type of cases, like abuse shelters and so on. If you can move to an undisclosed address and stay put as long as this person is out on the community, it will be the best thing that you can do, no sacrifice is big or small enough when your safety depends on it.. I know what your mom is going through and how she feels, if she wants to contact me give her my e-mail address & I can give her my phone number so we can talk. I live in Puerto Rico, the men who abused me were my ex-husband and my brother, one is a lawyer the other has a BA, so you see this problem sadly transcends nationalities, races, cultures,languages and social scales & economic levels.I will be praying for you and your mom, so that God enlightens you to seek the best resources to be safe & to heal. There should be more people like your mom and you, brave ones that TALK & TELL, as long as this is kept hushed because of feelings of shame this will continue to grow. The one who has to bow his head in shame is the abuser not the victim. This goes also for any kind of abuse, specially the ones to children. I wish I could give more words of advise but I am so angry that I can’t think straight. God bless you and your mom.
María Alba
You and your mom are in my prayers. Please keep reassuring her of your love and respect.
Wow 🙁 I am so very sorry that you and your family have gone through this.
The link for the newspaper article is no longer available.
I’m not sure if he has been charged as yet, but i do hope so.
I came across your site because of the Disney Party (doing the same 🙂 ) and I bought some of your Downloads..
Sending you and your Mum lots of prayers and good thoughts
xxx
Hi Lauren,
I am from Sydney, Australia and just came across your article.
My mother in law was doused in petrol and set a light from her boyfriend almost a year ago causing 3rd degree burns to 48% of her body.
He has been charged with attempted murder but is still walking the streets today as trial does not happen for another few weeks.
My heart goes out to your mother and your family as i know what it is like.
I hope justice is made for the scum that done that to her, because that is all that men like that are.
Take care, my prayers and thoughts are with you all.
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