Hi world!

I am here, as I said I’ve been consumed with family issues, and getting ready for the May Release. I appreciate the comments, and emails.

WARNING: this is a family post, with some graphic detail. Honestly you may not want to read it. It may be disturbing, but the story needs to be told.

It may help someone else in a similar situation.

This last two weeks or so I have told you to keep my mother in your prayers. I’ve respected her privacy. I’ve done everything in my power to empower her, help her, and let her know she ISN’T alone to fight this fight. Believe me, she is truly fighting for her life.

She reads my blog and she has seen the well wishes and prayers. I’ve forwarded emails to her as well. All the while no one really knowing exactly WHAT is going on. Each one giving her strength!

Just to give you an idea of what my family has been dealing with, this was on the front page of the paper in her city.

READ HERE

Now I’m appalled that her address was given, and some of the details shared without any consideration for my mother and her SAFETY! People don’t realize that these aren’t just front page news-makers they are reporting about, but PEOPLE. My mother was beyond the feeling of violation.

As you can imagine that is only a very stripped down version of what has taken place. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when I received a phone call telling me about what happened. I immediately took action and got to my mother’s side.

Her birthday was Thursday April 8th, and on that day she had an “awakening”. All the strength she gave me over the years, to become a strong independent woman, I was finally able to give back to her. Finally able to make her SEE what her life really is, not what she wanted to see. My pleading with her to help herself, finally making sense.

 She asked that I actually share her story with you all in hopes that MAYBE it will help someone else.

My husband and I both struggled with sharing this story too. We went back and forth the last few weeks about it. But there needs to be an awareness. These things happen to REAL people. That is someones mother, daughter, sister, grandmother. Also for his family, he is someones son, brother…loved one. It’s so hard and sad on both ends.

Quite honestly I was hesitant. The fact of sharing this is VERY difficult for me, for many reasons. It is emotional, heartbreaking, upsetting, and all the while necessary too. I was overwhelmed at the aspect of it because how do “I” share a story that started YEARS and YEARS ago? Where am I suppose to start?

Well I will do my best to tell it, and pray it helps someone else.

Ever realize your life can change in one single second? The second you meet your soulmate, the second your baby takes its first breath-life altering. There are times when it changes and it is HEART-WRENCHING pain. News that ends a marriage, someone you love has passed away, been hurt, or has an illness. I have experienced all of those in my lifetime. Many all from the ring of a phone. All life altering moments that forever change life as you knew it, in an instant. It is like you cross over a line of forever being changed from one second to the next.

This is my mom.

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This was taken Easter Sunday.

She looks so happy.

Doesn’t look like the face of an abused woman does it?

Funny how photos can be. Funny how makeup and a smile can hide what is really going on in someones life.

What our eyes tell us we see. Photos can be altered, or used to tell a “story”, while we have no idea what we “don’t” see. Just like the stars in magazines, things get trimmed, slimmed, covered, altered and edited.

So is this photo.

This is what this photo doesn’t tell you.

Would you believe that this photo of my mom was taken the day after her husband attempted to murder her? Well it was.

What you can’t see is that I had to photo shop this photo-a lot.

You can’t see the lump on her head from him slamming her against the wall, as he pinned her there.

You can’t see all the makeup she has on to cover the bruises on her neck that are from her husband choking her, to the point where she almost passed out.

You can’t hear the words he kept saying to her, as he attacked her, that still play endlessly in her head,  “Why! Why do you make me do these things to you! Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut!” (that is the nicest of it)

I cropped out her hands, so you can’t see several of the defensive knife wounds that she got from what the court calls a Machete. 

You probably can’t tell that this same woman was cowering on the floor, literally begging him to stop, as she was apologzing to him for upsetting him, just to save her life.

You can’t see the 2 phones she tried to grab to call 911, because those are both broken. He smashed them to pieces as she grabbed each one. He did finally hand her his cell phone as he told her ” You want to call the police? I will dial the number for you. But you will be dead before they have time to get here.” (also the nicest of it)

You can’t see the very dark circles under her eyes, from crying with worry over him, after he was arrested for the attempted murder of her.

You can’t see the shame she feels, and the fact that she didn’t want them taking photos of her injured, or to even go to the hospital.

In the police report, in all the photos, you can’t see everything that got broken during their struggle.  My mom’s heart, her spirit, even her will to continue life. You can’t see that she too is so broken. 

You can’t see why she would feel so bad for him, that she wouldn’t want to press charges.

Or the fact that she hasn’t slept in a week because she is so terrified and can’t stop shaking.

You can’t see that she has low self esteem and feels “unworthy”.

You can’t see WHY she hasn’t seen this coming.

Why she stayed so long, and why she didn’t try to get out sooner. 

 You can’t see WHY she ever made excuses for him.

You can’t see why she never looked in the mirror, and saw herself as an abused woman, or why she still loves a man who clearly doesn’t even know what love is.

As of late I’ve felt like my mom was drowning. I kept extending my hand, trying to pull her out, and she kept letting it go. I think now she is ready to hold on, to be saved. I think she realizes if she doesn’t hang on, she will drown.

My mother’s husband was always short tempered. No excuses. Drinking, not drinking. She couldn’t really express an opinion, had to watch her tone. Over the years she excluded herself from her family. Made excuses for bruises, or broken things, and that was exhausting. She revolved her world around pleasing someone that couldn’t be pleased.

His violence has gotten progressively worse over the years. More so as of late. This event was bound to take place at some point. Any relationship of violence, always progresses.

By sharing my mother’s story, I hope this helps someone! If you are like her, or know someone like her. It’s not too late to get help.

Facts about acts of violence

Statistics of Battered Women

  • 7% of women (3.9 million) are physically abused by their partners, and 37% (20.7 million) are verbally or emotionally abused.
  • Every 9 seconds a woman is physically abused by her husband.
  • 95% of assaults on spouses or ex-spouses are committed by men against women.
  • 30% of women presenting with injuries to the emergency department had injuries caused by battering.
  • From 7% to 26% of pregnant women are abused.
  • 42% of murdered women are killed by their intimate partners.
  • Within the last year, 7% of American women (3.9 million) who are married or living with someone as a couple were physically abused, and 37% (20.7 million) were verbally or emotionally abused by their spouse or partner. (The Commonwealth Fund, N.Y. 1991)
  • Every 9 seconds a woman is physically abused by her husband. (The Commonwealth Fund, N.Y. 1991)
  • The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 95% of assaults on spouses or ex-spouses are committed by men against women. (Assessing Violent Couples, H. Douglas, Families in Society, 11/91)
  • Domestic violence is a repetitive in nature: about 1 in 5 women victimized by their spouse or ex-spouse reported that they had been a victim of a series of at least 3 assaults in the last 6 months. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 10/93)
  • 30% of Women presenting with injuries to the emergency department were identified as having injuries caused by battering. (American Journal of Public Health, 1/89)
  • Pregnancy is a risk factor. Several studies indicate a range of incidence from 17% to 26% of pregnant women. (Public Health Nursing, 9/87)
  • 42% of murdered women are killed by their intimate partners. (FBI’s 88-91 Uniform Crime Reports)

If you would like more information about A Safe Place and the programs we provide, please call us at 847-731-7165 or email us at info@asafeplaceforhelp.org.

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MURDER

In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner.1 That’s an average of three women every day. Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.2

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (Intimate Partner Violence or Battering)

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.3 According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.4 Less than 20 percent of battered women sought medical treatment following an injury.5

I don’t want anyone to become a statistic. My mother almost became one!

She got lucky, that time.

Thank you for letting my share my mother’s story. It isn’t an easy thing to share, but this type of thing really doies happen, and it can be happening to someone YOU love.

I wish I did something sooner to make my mother see what was really going on.

All I can do now is be there for her. My family is rallying around my mom so she knows she isn’t alone.

So thank you for letting me share. This isn’t easy, but I know my blog has been used to touch so many lives through my sharing. I hope it can speak to someone else out there.

I’ll be back tomorrow for a GIVEAWAY post 😀 Don’t miss it