Nine-

Its been 9 years. Where has the time gone?

You have grown so fast, and are turning into such an amazing person.

I look at your face, and I see a million things.

I see an amazing little person who has made a difference in the world. A person who changed me the minute you took your first breath. I see a piece of me, that I can literally hold on to. I see a life full of love, happiness, laughter, innocence, hope, faith, honesty, and the future. I see someone who beats all odds, a fighter. A person, who with one look, flashes a million memories across my mind. Times that may not have been,  if I listened. If I didn’t keep you. If I didn’t have faith. If I didn’t fight for you. If I didn’t believe they were wrong. If my idea of perfect, was their idea of perfect.

 But my idea was not the same. If it were I think of the love I would not have felt, happiness that would not be, memories that wouldn’t exist, tears I would not have shed, pain I would not have felt, experiences that would not have lead us to today. Today, nine years of a life I would not known. How sad that would have been.

 They told me you would not even live, to be 20 weeks gestation. Then you did.

 They told me if you even lived to full term, and I was “lucky” enough that you weren’t still born, that would be limp and not breathing. 

 Wednesday September 29th at 1:58 pm- your limbs weren’t limp, your fists were closed and you were ready to fight. Ready to prove them all wrong. 

At first breath, a breath I was told you would need to be resuscitated to take-you screamed as loud as you could! It immediately silenced, as they placed you on me, and I said your name-Alexa. You stopped, and looked right at me. The face I had so longed to see. Eyes I waited so long to look into. So aware. So content to be in my arms. Finally.

You were 9lbs 20 inches long. To me you were PERFECT.

There I looked at you. Instantly loving you, and so in awe of the amazing gift I was entrusted to care for.

A child I was told and encouraged not to keep.  Told that I had my entire life to have a “perfect family”. I’m still  not sure what they meant by perfect because you were perfect to me. It didn’t take 9 years to figure out they were wrong. I knew the minute God gave you to me that this is what perfect is. I often wish they could all see you now.

Everyday you prove “them” wrong, with every smile, every hug, every I love you…………every accomplishment-big and small, everything you do, you prove you are what perfect is.

You, Alexa are my definition of PERFECT.

per·fect play_w2(“P0187000”)

 (pûrfkt)

adj.

1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind.

2. Being without defect or blemish: a perfect specimen.

3. Thoroughly skilled or talented in a certain field or area; proficient.

4. Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation: She was the perfect actress for the part.

5.

a. Completely corresponding to a description, standard, or type: a perfect circle; a perfect gentleman.

b. Accurately reproducing an original: a perfect copy of the painting.

6. Complete; thorough; utter: a perfect fool.

7. Pure; undiluted; unmixed: perfect red.

8. Excellent and delightful in all respects: a perfect day.

tr.v. (pr-fkt) per·fect·ed, per·fect·ing, per·fects

To bring to perfection or completion

Me and my girls yesterday

Happy Birthday my special girl! I hope you know how much you have brought to our lives, everyday.  I cannot imagine a single day without you in it!  You are a true gift, and I cherish every moment I am able to have with you, and an honored to be your mom. I only hope I can bring to your life a fraction of the love and joy you have brought to mine.

I loved you from the instant I knew of you, and I will always love you!

xoxo

mom