Thanks so much for all the thoughts and prayers. They truly mean so much to me. You have no idea.

Its been an insanely draining few days for me here. My other posts were pre-posted, and I have just been a big mess. Functioning and trying to get my mind off things but still not good. Trying to maintain normal till I thought my world may fall apart AGAIN.

Alexa has had some major things going on, all of it I can’t and won’t get into, but some including a lot of random falling, arm pain, headaches and as I said few other major problems. Some of the things that lead to her cancer diagnosis. some unrelated. ALL very scary prospects. We are still waiting on some tests, one being that she does have an infection-not sure what kind yet since it hasn’t fully grown, the others prove positively NO CANCER. THANK GOD!! I don’t know that I can bare that again. I know too many people who have had to, and are, and I’m not sure how they do it. I guess like we did the first time. One step at a time. The worst is knowing what tomorrow brings. The first time (like labor) you have no idea what will come, but already going through it YOU KNOW. I almost lost Alexa a few times. The loss of a child has to be the worst thing a parent can go through. I cannot even fathom the idea. While its crossed my mind, I can’t go deep into thought. That being said, none of us have a guarantee. I know this. When you have something earth shattering happen, and you come so close to losing, the fears and thoughts and REALITY are magnified. Its unexplainable.

Anyway………..thats getting too morbid. Im just an emotional mess, and poor Jay has had no idea what to say or do.

There were some medicine issues that caused some of her symptoms so that was an easy fix. That caused headaches, possibly the falling and a few other things. Once we figured that out it was good. Not knowing it was a med, and having the other symptoms she did was very scary.

Anyway, I think and hope we are in the clear for most of my concern. Obviously we have this infection to figure out, but I am just thankful that the worst of the fears had been laid to rest.

I am emotionally drained and haven’t slept in a couple of days. Now I need to crash! LOL!

I do have some really great stuff to share, but am choosing to wait till tomorrow so I can write up a happy post, and not an exhausted, half hearted attempt at sharing. If I can’t put in 100% I won’t do anything!

I really want to thank you all for the emails as well. I do read everything and will respond soon. I just need to take time with my family today.

I talked extensively to Alexa’s physician (her oncologist) who I so love, trust, and respect. She was my therapist today, as was the entire staff. They reassured me of some of the things I was stressed about and that helped. This gripping fear of cancer coming back is never going to leave. I can’t even stand the things that go through my mind when something goes wrong with Alexa. She is a very complicated child, let me tell you. She keeps me hopping.

I know God won’t gives us what we can’t handle, but sometimes I wish he didn’t have so much faith in me! LOL! I’m really not that strong.

Again while I cant get into all of it, just know you all here have provided us with so much love and support and that is priceless to me, as are my family and friends who are there for us as well. We felt very covered in prayers, and love!

Thank you again for “listening”. Typing this stuff out (and people actually reading it! LOL!) really does help. Heck even if no one read it, it still helps. Sometimes I am too drained to even “talk” about it, but typing just lets it flow.

Till tomorrow-